AI Top 10: Who let the zombies in the mosh pit!? (3/25)

My apologies for a late missive this week. I just got back from a glorious Spring Break vacation in Gatlinburg!

(True, I myself do not technically get a “Spring Break” but my girlfriend does and so I get Spring Break by proxy)

Although I could not write, I was watching along with the rest of America as the ten Idols who are going to tour performed on this night of songs sung from their birth year. This is turning into quite the interesting season as really…lid’l David Archuleta is far from a shoe-in anymore. The other contestant pimped too hard and too early and needs to wear something with sleeves favorite to win has also been usurped.

Even more of a mystery is what Paula was wearing Tuesday night. Did someone tell her we were celebrating the 25th anniversary of “Thriller” tonight. Was that the reason for the sparkle top and black gloves? In any event…

This…Is…AMERICAN IDOL!!!

Goodbye Rock’n'Roll Nurse!

I’m somewhat happy with the results tonight for a couple reasons.

1-Amanda Overmeyer will not be forced to go on tour:-/  I think she was the happiest Idol ever eliminated!

2-The Adversary (Carly Smithson) was in the Bottom Three.

Other highlights included seeing Elliott Yamin go to Angola to fight Malaria and got a baby boy named after him:-)

Seacrest also revealed this year’s four mentors:  Dolly Parton, Mariah Carey, Andrew Lloyd Webber, and Neil Diamond.

Interesting…

AI Top 11: Sloppy Seconds (3/18)

So it took Nigel Lythgoe seven seasons to get rights to 25 Beatles Songs and apparently, he is going to make sure that the Idols sing everyone of those 25 songs! Tonight we have Beatles Night Part 2 with all the songs no one wanted to sing last week because they didn’t want to get eliminated that we’re not picked by contestants last week. We are subjected to a strange and unnecessarily long Mickey Mouse Club Opening.

Annette!

The Idols are forced to wave continuously at the audience as if this is the first time they have ever seen other human beings.

Randy is asleep.
Paula sparkles.
Simon winks.

Ryan backhands Paula with the line: “Speaking of risks, Paula has a new single out”.

American Idol producers put together a power point presentation on “The Beatles” in a fruitless attempt to convince America that there is a difference in the pool of songs the Idols from last week to this week. Last week were songs by “Lennon/McCartney” and this week are songs from “The Beatles”….mostly written by two of its members by the name of Lennon and McCartney. The truth is Nigel Lythgoe paid for 25 songs and the Idols are going to eat every last song off their plates because American Idol does not make enough money to buy Beatles songs from Michael Jackson that aren’t going to be sung!

This…is…a big mistake…American Idol!

AI Top 12 Debut: The (Beatles) Night Where Everything Changed (3/11)

Seven Seasons later we finally get a new opening. Great job American Idol! Were you only allowed to use the money earned from Bucky Covington’s album!? Seriously, this guy’s homemade Tron suit is more impressive…and does the next American Idol feed on the souls of the audience? What are they absorbing?

Ryan’s got a new face. So the disembodied floating torso and head of Ryan Seacrest introduces the show from somewhere in the darkness. As if that weren’t scary enough, Ryan looks as though his face were made out of silly putty and someone didn’t finish molding it before the show. The most disturbing delivery of “This….IS….AMERICAN IDOL!” yet.

New set. Okay, out of the three, this is the coolest edition. There is a big reveal on the set. It’s huge! The camera’s pull away. Ryan feigns frienship with the camera guy and instructs him to show us around! It’s a sleek design, looking kind of cool until…Ryan feigns frienship with the lighting guy and instructs them to “show us what these lights can do, my man!” At which point, the lights flicker as if a single strand of Christmas lights were thrown across the top of the stage. Wah wah.

Other changes:
Ricky Minor and the band are now playing in heaven.
The judges are seven miles from the stage.
AND we’ve added a “mosh pit” in front of the stage…what!?

Tonight is Beatles Night! For the first time in 7 years of American Idol, the producers have secured the rights to 25 songs from the Lennon-McCartney songbook. Let’s go to our judges for articulate insights into this major coup…

Randy, tell us why the Lennon-McCartney Songbook is so timeless?
“Yeah dawg…these songs were copyrighted…you know…they are copyrighted in a way that you know who wrote them forever…yeah yeah…for me for you…these songs were copyrighted.”

Paula, what makes the Lennon-McCartney Songbook so special?
“First of all…you’re all mutts…the Lennon-McCartney songs are so special because….I love mutts…they have a melody and lyrics…melon ball yogurt.

Simon, why is your uncomfortably exposed chest so red?
“Duh, Ryan.” “Duh!”

The stage wall opens and pukes out our Top 12 as they are forced to Model Walk to the center of the stage and all I can think is that Danny would have been here tonight:-(

Without further ado…

This…Is…AMERICAN IDOL!
(Oh and tonight, everyone should take a drink when Ryan embarrasses himself)

AI Top 12 Revealed: America…I Think You Know What I’m Going To Say (3/6)

Say WHAT!?

AI Top 8 Girls: I Love Mutts in Haiku Review! (3/5)

Let me start by saying, all the girls looked beautiful tonight:-)

For the most part though, tonight was a boring and confusing mess. Boring because the girls aren’t good enough to be great or bad enough to be cringe-worthy. Everyone can sing…decently, but only thing they’re really good at is wasting my time! (Except you Alexandrea! Hollaback! You left too soon! America had too much crazy sauce on their taco last week!)

Randy was chided for being too nice by Ryan.
Paula chided the girls for not dressing like her.
Simon chided everyone and told them they need to be better!

This…is…zzzzzzzzzz

AI Top 8 Boys: This Competition Is About What!? Singing! (3/4)

Who let Denise Richards out of her cage?

Just when I was starting to get bored with this season of American Idol, The Boys 80s Night happens and suddenly I’m entranced. Ain’t No Thang But A Chicken Wing! This…is…American Idol!

Let’s do it!

AI Top 20 Results: Umm-Merica! Why you gotta do me that way! (2/28)

First of all, I’m only half angry with America. The boys that got sent home were spot on but the girls…the girls!? *shakes head* That was just wrong y’all.