Quick Thoughts on Idol Results (4/29)

The suspense was high on last night’s Idol because honestly, I had no idea what was going to happen.

I figured Matt G. was in trouble but I feared Allison may go as well. Thankfully, America picked the performance with the worst vocals and Matt G. left us…again. After being saved by the Wild Card Round, and the Judges Save, America finally got rid of Matt.

The final four we are left with is one step closer to my dream of a Glambert, Allen, Iraheta Final Three. I need Gokezilla to go home next week, but I’m worried that he may not. Glambert landing in the bottom three was shocking to me as I have predicted for a while that he would be our next American Idol. However, Fantasia landed in the Bottom Three as well so he could still win it.

Natalie Cole was a little rough, but she’s had some personal struggles so good for her for fighting back.

Taylor Hicks looked fit, but I don’t know how he sounded because I fast forwarded:-/

The group number was fun with the exception of the hyperactive snapping everyone was forced to do making it look like they were fiending for a hit.

Next week is ROCK week which means of course Kris Allen is in trouble unless he can pull another rabbit out of his hat and reinvent a song.

I’m glad Simon admitted that last night was the best Idol show at this stage of the competition in all 8 years.

J Ramp Out!

AI Top 5: Standards Night and I’m Feelin’ Good! That’s real! (4/28)

Standards Night…YAY!!!

This is consistently the best theme every season and usually my favorite night. Tonight is no exception.

In fact, I am so happy I will refuse to comment on the ridiculous lighting and posing the idols as if they were cage fighters about to take part in Mortal Kombat. Two phone numbers for each contestant tonight which seems a bit premature but that’s just me. During the introductions, Ricky Minor and the ban play a little music because American Idol is a jazzy night club tonight. Or a seedy Vegas club as it is actually Rat Pack Night. Not really a problem because the Rat Pack sang a lot of standards but I am a little confused as as to why the theme can’t just be standards? When they were being secretive about who the mentor was and I was his silhouette walking through the door, I knew it was Jamie Foxx and I wanted to rip his face off! For serious American Idol? Jamie Foxx!? You know he didn’t play Sammy Davis Jr. in that movie that won him an Oscar right? He played Ray Charles and of course…for no reason at all…Matt G. starts playing “Georgia (On My Mind)” right before Jamie walks in so Jamie can be remind America that he played Ray Charles and won an Oscar several years ago.

You know what, it doesn’t matter…because this is….Standards Night on American Idol:

1-Kris Allen
“The Way You Look Tonight”


Jamie praised Kris for not trying to sing the throat olympics, called him his number one and tells him to call him if things don’t work out on Idol because Kris is already the artist.

Perfection.

Kris is still my American Idol. In some ways he is the antithesis of the type of singer that wins American Idol since his performances are always understated and he doesn’t repeatedly punch America in the face with his throaty, growly vocals like Gokezilla!!!! AHHHHH!!! GOKEZILLA!!!!

Kandy tries to make up for not acknowledging Kris’ abilities for the past…um…entire competition.
Paula calls him a contemporary crooner, the boy next door who grew up to be the man across the street.
Simon thought it was a little bit wet because it was like taking a well-trained spaniel for walk. He doesn’t think that he can win the competition.

Ryan tells Kris to go dry off and I am embarrassed for everybody.

Kris you get 5 Wet Spaniels because whose a good Idol!? Who is it!? Who is it!? Yes you are! We don’t care what Simon says do we?! Cause he stuck in 1992 when bombastic artists like Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston, and Celine Dion ruled the chart with all their throat olympics!? Yes he is!

2-Allison Iraheta
“Someone To Watch Over Me”

During her chat with Ryan we learn she celebrated her 17th birthday, which would mean that it would suck for her to go home this week. Do you hear me America?

Jamie jokes that she is 5 or 7 and instructs her to imagine the love of her family while singing this song.

Perfection.

What another wonderful understated performance. She totally nailed it.

Kandy calls her Brittney Murphy and Pink and loved her ruff kinda gruff but ain’t worried no more about her landing in the bottom three which of course is ridiculous because there is only 5 idols left. Well that is one ridiculous thing about their critique.
Paula loved her innocent sensibility and thought the performance was both alluring and really tender.
Simon doesn’t believe that she believes in herself. And worries that she could be in trouble tonight. Of course, Cowell is keeping it real tonight.

Kara interrupts Ryan to call Simon MUCHO LOCO!!!!

You get 5 nuns popping out of your birthday cake because you were sixteen going on seventeen, baby I hope you don’t go home this week especially since next week is ROCK week!

3-Matt Giraud
“My Funny Valentine”

In the chat with Ryan we learn that Matt is stoked about this week because he loves jazz! (Go Western Michigan!) but he got a B in his class in college. This of course sets him up for elimination.

Jamie: It’s a big song and in each part you need to do something. Change the key, and sing it in your full voice. That’s real!

I love this song. Matt did well and he held out notes and his phrasing was different. I like that we got to hear a different vocal styling from Matt. I’m just not sure it was good enough.

Kandy said something I don’t care about.
Paula loved what he did. Heard a pure and simple kind of vocal.
Simon thought he was absolutely brilliant! It was the only authentic performance he heard so far tonight.

You get 4 Rhinos in Pink Tutus because there was just something about it that didn’t work.

4-Gokey
“Come Rain or Come Shine”

Jamie got right in his grill. Your breath is fresh. Go get it D!

Everyone freaks out for the trombone. Can’t wait to hear him sing “Cry me a REEEEver!” To be honest, I was too busy remembering Katherine McPhee’s performance of this song. However I was brought back to reality when I heard all the Japanese villagers screaming as Gokzilla shook the stage and screamed his way through the final part of “Come Rain or Come Shine”.

Kandy tells him that he could an album of standards. This is a singing competition and you can sing. They loved his rat pack swagger. (shakes head…everyone left in the competition can actually sing Kandy…in fact this is the most solid top 5 you’ve ever had you idiots!)
Paula kept it short and thought it was stellar. You can see the finish line.
Simon felt that he had a confidence and swagger that the other contestants were lacking in the beginning. Simon even thanks Jamie Foxx for his mentoring.

I think you know what you are going to get from me Danny. You get three Godzillas because, well, I believe America will see the similarity.

5-Glambert
“Feeling Good”

Jamie: He’s gonna knock everybody’s head off! You don’t care about who I am at all!? You took me up and down. I’m crying man!

Go ahead Glambert! Go ahead!

Without a doubt, Glambert will be our next American Idol! I loved everything about this performance and I would probably be more enraged at Gokezilla if Glambert hadn’t already won this competition.

Kandy finds him confusing, shocky, sleazy, over the top, theatrical! (True words)
Paula, you make me feel better than good! I love it! (Awww, Paula hearts him)
Simon best entrance of the year we’ve had so far! Some strut down the stairs! You are not allowed to walk down the stairs anymore Ryan. Ryan then gets his homophobic feathers in a bunch and tells Simon that I promise that I’m not walking down quite like that, Simon!

You get 6 pugs dressed as Wonder Woman because you are ridiculous and I love you for it!


Final Thoughts:

I have absolutely no idea who will get eliminated tonight but I have an idea that Allison and Matt G. are in trouble and will be our bottom two. My gut instinct is that Allison will go home because she was in the bottom three last week and it would be an ironic elimination since it will be rock week next week. Plus it was her birthday. I hope I’m wrong, but I think I’m not.

Quick Thoughts On Idol Results (4/22)

First, thank you America! You absolutely got that right!

(For the most part. I will willing to look over the fact that Allison Iraheta was in the bottom three instead of Gokey)

Mama Paula choreographing the Idols was ADORABLE! Paula is adorable and I’m actually so happy that American Idol came along because seriously, what would she be doing if she didn’t do this show.

I always like to see the Idols try and dance:-) The lip sync sounded good.

The Disco Trio was a bizarre mess, wasn’t it?! Freda Payne…more like Freaky Payne. Girl was jiggling and thrusting all up in the Idol Stage. Thelma Houston wasn’t much better strutting around like a busty canary. I also didn’t realize that K.C. of K.C. and The Sunshine Band was actually on the Sopranos. Yeah, he totally played Tony Soprano.

Lil was the first eliminated and without wasting a second. She sang a better version of “I’m Every Woman” which is nice for her that she can go out on a solid performance. Later Allison and Anoop filled out the rest of our bottom three. Anoop was eliminated, thankfully, because it is too soon for Allison to go!

I feel pretty certain that Kris Allen has a shot at the finale, but I still believe Glambert will be our next American Idol.

Gotta get back to homework:-(

J Ramp Out!

AI Top 7: I must have Saturday Night Fever because Disco Week was actually pretty good! Except for the pool of Abdul on the floor. (4/21)

Disco week is upon us America.

We begin with an overly dramatic intro sequence repackaging the not so dramatic Judges Save of Matt G. last week. In truth, he has no chance of winning this competition so all they have really saved him for is adding to the vocal atrocity of Disco Night. Well, and making this week’s results show more dramatic since TWO Idols will be leaving us. Upon viewing the show however I have to say that Disco Night this year ended up being one of the best (and most creative) nights this season. Thanks in large part to my picks for the Top Three!

Ryan is aflame like a charbroiled Whopper from Burger King as we start tonight. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned how hysterical I think it is that the judges have no time to walk to their seats anymore.

This is…American Idol!

1-Lil Rounds
“I’m Every Woman”

Rockin a black catsuit. However, she is no Trenyce. That’s right, even after six seasons I still remember Treynce’s performance of this same song. All I can say is that a Lil goes a long way…home. Or I could say that she is every woman…that is going home. Please put her out of her misery America. Fortunately, Ryan gives her the chance to fight back with the judges which will only cement her elimination status. Unfortunately, he also allows audience participation like this is “The Price Is Right”. Lil ain’t no can of spaghettios Ryan!

Kandy used wordplay on the song title to talk about how bad the performance was.
Paula of course gave her hugs not drugs and commented on her Inner Diva and not the outer crapfest that was her performance.
Simon calls it her last week. I agree.

You get 1 retiring Bob Barker because it’s time to go home.

2-Kris Allen
“She Works Hard For The Money”

lol! The Kris interview was hysterical! “I know right”. He picked this song because it tells a story about a woman with a strong work ethic. The performance was creative and engaging. His vocals were comfortable like a warm pair of clean socks. Kris Allen proved once again why he deserves to be in the Final Two!

Kandy told Kris that he took a real risk with that arrangement. (Der) They also used the term “four on the floor” and I’m not too sure what that means. Do puppies like this song?
Paula talked about how often times women will shop in the men’s department, but men don’t always shop in the women’s department. This was a round about way of raising the point that men will not cover a song by woman as often as women cover songs by men. However, this led to Simon asking Paula if that meant Kris bought women’s underwear. Kris has the only appropriate response and smiled and nodded his head as if to say, well…actually. Hysterical!
Women’s underwear aside, Simon thought Kris’s performance was original, well thought out, and fantastic. I don’t care if you buy women’s underwear or not.

You get 5 rhinos in a lacey thong because yeah, it’s a little inappropriate but still pretty funny. Right?


3-Gokey
“September”

I’m glad that Gokey went after Kris Allen because I believe that it easier to see how unoriginal Gokey is because seriously that was more than a little like a wedding singer. I have nothing else to say about the performance that drawing the ire of several Gokettes I know. Except the dancing was not great either.

Kandy was worried and hopes America remembers how terrible it was it at the end of the night.
Paula tells him that he has one of the sexiest voices and that woman of all ages would agree. Perhaps this overt and unexpected sexual comment explains why Gokettes love him so.
Simon can’t fault the vocals but calls the performance awkward and clumsy.

You get three Steve Buscemis because you’re performance was that awkward!

4-Allison Iraheta
“Hot Stuff”

Starts out on a red lit stair case as she comes out on stage. The beginning was amazing! The end was not as awesome! However, she changed it up, took a chance, and delivered an entertaining performance. I believe that she proved that she deserves to be in the Final Three!

Kandy didn’t recognize the song because it sounded too different and used the word indulgent because they didn’t know the right phrase to use, which was over the top.
Paula told her to never compromise. Stay true to you because you donn’t want someone else’s hot stuff.
Simon called it brilliant.

You get 4 Joe Roy Jackson self-published album covers because you’re just being yourself Allison and know one else can do it better than you!

5-Glambert
“If I Can’t Have You”

Already did Disco so it’s just emotions for Glambert. Glambert put on his sad ballad face, but he better do something different because he has done this trick before. Okay, so that still had some emotional punch. He delivered another solid performance and as far I am concerned still holds the Idol crown.

Kandy: You are ready right now! You’re brilliant! You up it for me every week! You’re like SNL! You’re inspiring!
Paula felt his pain, and vulnerability and grabbed his still beating heart up off stage and ate it.
Simon had his expectations thwarted and called the vocals immaculate.

Ryan commented how Paula melted into a pool of Abdul which I believe is worse than catching “The Ring Of Fire”!

You get 5 sad clowns because you didn’t perform in full drag like I had hoped you would.

6-Matt G.
“Stayin’ Alive”

Before the song started, I thought Matt G was ridiculous for singing this song because it’s title begs for an ironic elimination. After he started singing though, I just jammed! That was an awesome interpretation of that song!!! Matt G stays viable for another week which is the best he can hope for in this competition.

Kandy didn’t like it because it didn’t make sense but also felt he brought disco back! Solid man! Solid!
Paula said he picks songs like she bowls. Sometimes gutter balls, sometimes strikes. This was a strike. You’re saved!
Simon told him to get out of Idol-land and that he’s not such a huge fan. Simon of course is done with him because he knows that Matt G. has no chance of winning.

You get 4 Japanese 45s of “Disco Duck” because although you have a place in this competition, it is not a serious one.

Ryan gives Kandy herpes.

7-Anoop Dawg
“Dim All The Lights”

Third Donna Summer song of the night. Awesome!

Bad last note. Not awesome.

Anoop is a great vocalist. No question. Not a great performance because he is one of the most boring contestants ever to grace the Idol stage.

Kandy you are a good singer.
Paula real men know how to wear pink and you hit that magical zone. Smile more. You’ve got beautiful teeth. And get that hair out of your face. You’d be such a pretty girl if you’d smile more.
Simon called it mediocre and his worst performance.

You get 2 yawning babies because, well, I think you know why.

Someone must be writing for Ryan this week because he is coming up with the zingers left and right. He rightly assesses that Simon didn’t think this performance was pretty in pink.

Final Thoughts:

This is without question the most talented Top 7 Idol has ever seen. No one is an obviously bad singer. That being said, nothing really changed tonight. Glambert still appears to be our next American Idol. Kris and Iraheta continue to prove why they should be in the Top Three. Gokey continues to peter out from his overblown strong start in the competition. Matt G. continues to hang on as long as he can. Anoop and Lil will finally go home. Perhaps because I walked into tonight with low expectations I was delightfully surprised. Disco night was actually one of the most creative nights of the season! Elimination night should be interesting as I expect a shocking development to occur since the judges save is no longer in play. Gokey I’m looking at you!

J Ramp Out!

Britain’s Got Talent: Susan Boyle

If you haven’t heard of her yet, then meet Susan Boyle. She is a saucy unassuming lady from Blackburn, Scotland. Her story is inspiring and heartwarming to say the least. Probably the easiest place to get caught up is here.

Here is a clip of the performance heard round the world with 11 million hits and counting:

In addition, a 1999 recording of “Cry Me A River” that Susan Boyle performed for a charity CD has hit the Internet. That video is below:

Apparently, Simon Cowell is working on getting her a contract.

J Ramp Out!

Quick Thoughts On Idol Results (4/15)

I’ll start off with a quote from Simon:

“I wouldn’t be congratulating just yet because I’ve two bits of bad news for you.
One. Next week, two people will go home.
Two. It’s Disco Week.”

lol! Hysterically put. So the judges finally used the coveted SAVE on Matt G. tonight. America, thank you for reading as you got the bottom three exactly right: Lil, Anoop, and Matt G. Since Matt got the lowest amount of votes I think that America is in fact, objectively getting it right. The worst performance last night in terms of vocals was Matt G. The judges only had one more week to use The Save and I think since America seems on track, they decided to perhaps make the disaster of Disco night more dramatic by adding the pressure of a double elimination.

Jennifer Hudson did very well in her taped performance. She’s been through a lot and it’s great to see that she is doing so well.

If our final four ended up being Glambert, Gokey, Kris, and Iraheta…I’m okay with that:-)

J Ramp Out!

AI Top 7: Kill Bill! Kill Bryan Adams! I don’t care just let me fall slowly cause Armaggedon outta here! (4/14)

So, it’s Movie Night here at American Idol. Quentin Tarantino makes his 3rd or 4th appearance on the show (because the dude seriously lurves this show). I have to say that tonight was not the huge disaster some other move nights have been. In fact someone that I didn’t think had a chance at being our next American Idol, I believe now has the competition in his glammy hands. Because the show got reprimanded for going WAY over last week (like one performance went into the beginning of FRINGE and if you were taping on your DVR you didn’t even see it over) so this week the judges had to speak in pairs. One performance would get judged by Mother Paula and Father Simon while the next performance would get judged by Kandy. They still went over tonight so I’m hoping by next week it just Paula and Simon because let’s be honest dawg, Kandy has gotten stale! lol! And apparently the judges no longer get their indulgent model walk on the stage. Awww…sorry guys. Guess this means we’ll have to focus on the Idols now:-/

The Tool unpacks his adjectives uses a lot of descriptors for the judges tonight!

This is…American Idol!

1-Allison Iraheta
“I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing”

QT sits down to listen to her sing.

Aerosmith. I see the reasoning Allison. She starts off by underplaying the vocals and then building to some power vocals. However, I have to say that an asteroid hitting the stage may have helped because it was a little out of her league. She is not Steven Tyler. I actually thought it was her worst performance so far on the show.

Paula told her she shares a special sauce with Adam, which is weird because I don’t think he likes her like that.
Simon calls her hot and spicy and she is the girl’s only hope, which means that someone wore their passive aggressive tight black t-shirt tonight. Because there is only one other girl in the competition at this point so Simon praised Allison while getting a jab at Poor Lil Rounds at the same time.

You get three special sauces because I wanted to try and find something creepier than Paula’s comment to you.

2-Anoop Dawg
“Everything I Do”

QT wants him to growl like a pirate bear!

Recipe for Anoop’s performance:

Start with 1 Tie.
Mix in 1 Suit Jacket or Vest. A Rugby Shirt will do if you have it.
Once you’ve stirred the above ingredients together for a couple minutes, start to pour in 1 Sappy Adult Contemporary Ballad. The more boring the better.
Let contents sit so they become room temperature.
After the mix solidifies, add the final ingredient which is 1 Final Shot of Longing Lifeless Puppy Eyes.

Best served with 5 or 6 Frat Buddies hollering in the audience.

Kandy wrongly states that Anoop Dawg was rockin’ the house and at the very most he was adult contempin’ the house! A phrase which isn’t said much because no one really cares when that happens. They also felt “connected” to the performance, which I find hard to believe. I felt “sedated” by the performance. It made me “fall asleep”.

You get 1 pirate bear because I had to find something exciting to add to your post!

3-Adam Lambert
“Born To Be Wild”

QT: He is the real deal and apparently quite tasty.

After tonight, this is Glambert’s show to lose. That was absolutely ridiculous and I loved every minute of it! The only thing I didn’t care for was what he did with the actual chorus. However, the boy is wildly entertaining! He has smartly avoided his Banshee Queen antics for the past few weeks so that when he wheeled them out tonight…it was welcomed with open arms…by probably half of a America.

Paula was so taken with the performance that she got all Confucius up in the hizzey. Dare to dance in the path of greatness Adam because fortune favors the brave. Your performance tonight showed me that a penny saved is a penny earned. Do not put all your eggs in one basket because a rolling stone gathers no moth. Finally, you want to know why there was only one set of footprints on the beach during that performance…because I was carrying you Adam. I was carrying you.

Simon called a bit Rocky Horror (thanks Mr. Obvious) and that it was polarizing. Although I didn’t stand up afterward like I did when Blake Lewis remixed “You Give Love A Bad Name”, I was reminded of that performance because Simon is right. Half of America will love it. The other half will hate it!

You get 4 metallic fortune cookies because yeah…you are that glam!

Ryan told Adam to come out…of his shell. Ryan thought the joke was so funny that he pulled Adam close enough to whisper it in his ear. I wonder…what’s your game Seacrest!

4-Matt “Do I Really Have To go After Adam” G.
“Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman”

The Tool needs never to imitate QT again.

QT tells Matt not to slur like he is drunk.

I believe when two Brian Adam’s songs are performed on Idol the end times are nigh. I don’t know if I would have liked the performance better had it not followed The Banshee Queen, but I thought it was a bit rough. Vocally it was rough but I did like the arrangement well enough. He may have tried to do too much with the song, but it was just a mess. Or maybe he has never ever really, really ever loved a woman.

Kandy says he fell down…a lot. and struggled. Nor did Kandy make any inappropriate sexual comments, which means Matt was truly bad.

You get 2 apocalyptic Homers because he’s a drunk and he is warning of the end times. See what I did there.

5-GOkey
“Endless Love”

Gokey bought a guitar but he isn’t going to ever play on this stage.

QT: Put your hands in your pocket and sing with your eyes.

He never listens to the mentors! His hands were all over the place! However, methinks that America is losing a bit of their love for the Gokey. With or without the glasses, the boy is still boring except for the strange way he pronounced “yewwwwww” and “dewwwwww”. On playback, the vocals sound better than they did on the show but maybe that’s because he couldn’t hear through my earmuffs of hate!

Paula talks of his magical tambor. I’m not exactly sure that is. Then she gets quite grotesque as she lays out the steps involved in a GOkey song. You wow us at first, then grab us by your neck, and finally you kill us! You take the dagger of your voice and slay us Danny. You just slay us! (Except me)

Simon was disappointed with the unoriginality and the harp because he wasn’t as awesome as David Cook when he redid Lionel Ritchie’s “Hello”. Got ‘em, Cowell!

You get four pop-pops mostly because I want to make an obscure reference involving your magical Tambor!

6-Kris Allen
“Falling Slowly”

Ryan needs not imitate “Randy” ever again.

QT: Play the guitar or not, it will be amazing.

AMAZING!!! Best song choice of the night!!! Absolutely a beautiful performance from Kris Allen. (Although I adore the film “Once” from whence the song came).

Kandy almost got a divorce over this song because Randy called it pitchy. (Seriously, dawg?! Pitchy! Do you know what music is?)
Kara said that it was one of Kris’ best moments ever!

You get 6 Glen and Marketa’s from “ONCE” because that was a captivating performance!!!

7-Poor Lil Rounds
“The Rose”

QT: I love her and she is thrilling. Great one two punch!

Lil must be a very nice person because everyone is unrealistically pushing for her. Yet again her hair becomes my favorite part of the performance. Lil’s best moment was the Mary J Blige song during the Top 36 and it has been downhill from there.

Paula doesn’t talk about the song at all and congratulates her for making it this far.
Simon calls it too safe and middle of the road then Lil throws it down with Simon.

You get 2 Rocky Balboas because it’s time to let go.

Final Thoughts:

I struggle with song choice a little bit simply because I don’t believe there should ever be TWO Bryan Adam’s songs performed on Idol unless the four horsemen are coming. In fact, I know of one friend who watched the show tonight who will probably hate at least half of the songs performed this eve. Kris Allen still remains my American Idol and the only other person besides Ju’Not Joyner who I have actually downloaded off of iTunes. “Falling Slowly” was the brightest moment and I truly hope he makes it to the finale!

Now for the people who won’t make it to the finale:
Anoop
Matt G.
Lil

I really think that Lil could be going home tonight. Matt G. would be the most likely candidate to be sent to safety based on past performances. We’ll just have to see.

J Ramp Out!

AI Top 8: Makes You Wish You Were Never Born! (4/7)

So tonight’s theme is going to be a song from the year you were born. Ironically, this theme typically anyone watching at home wish they were never born and tonight is no exception. Anyone who watches “Fringe” should note that “The Observer” is in the audience! Instead of the judges walking through the stage, we are treated to baby pictures of the judges. And one picture of Ryan Seacrest in which Paula Abdul makes fun of Ryan’s buck teeth by asking if he liked carrots. Here is Ryan’s baby picture:

Because this is the second bad week in a row, I’ve decided to do HAIKU REVIEW tonight!

This is another bad theme…AMERICAN IDOL!!!

Quick Thoughts On Idol Results (4/1)

Four Words: One of the Best Results Shows Ever!!! (Seriously, no fooling)

So we start the show with Mother Paula dispensing warm advice from her heart of hearts while Simon looks on and laughs at her for being ridiculous. Except that she really hasn’t been ridiculous this season, I mean…after all, she is not the judge that drew a crayon mustache on another judge’s face.

We got the most TERRIFYING Ford video as the Idols sang “Mixed Up” while images of them created Idol monsters. However, Kris Allen showed some cool jobs as he kind of rap/sang part of the song. Then the Idols lip sang their group number to Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin” which wasn’t that bad except, ya know, for the lip syncing part. For some unknown reason, we ended the number with a shot of The Banshee Queen’s painted nails and wrist tattoo.

Next we get a “Day in the life Video” for the Idols. The red carpet is overwhelming for them. Allison spanks the donkey during the photo shoot. Kris talks about how the photographers will ask for his “sexy face”. Matt G. impersonates Gokey during his “Hero” performance. Which then prompts Ryan to ask several Idols to impersonate one another. Gokey imitates Matt G.s Coldplay performance which sounds like a goat. Anoop imitates Kris Allen’s “How Sweet It Is” by throwing down the side jaw on the very last night. Iraheta imitates Gokey’s “P.Y.T” by being gravely and yelling. Then Gokey asks her to sing “Jesus Take The Wheel”! In short, it was hysterical! Ryan tells them that this group gets along better than any other group.

Ryan then begins to divide the Top 9 into three groups of three:
Kris, Megan, Matt G.
Adam, Allison, Lil
Scott, Gokey, Anoop

It ends up that each group contains one of the Bottom Three which end up being Megan, Allison, and Anoop.

But before we get to that David Cook and his mom take the stage. (Seriously, they kept shooting to his mom whenever she adjusted her hair, necklace, took a breath). David performed and it was typical David, I fast forwarded. Ryan presented him with a platinum record because David has sold over 1 million albums in the last three months! But back to the bottom three…

Megan Joy Corkrey tells Simon that she loves him but didn’t really care. Then she flys and caws her way to the elimination stools. Allison and Anoop eventually join her.

Then America is treated to performance of “Poker Face” by Lady GaGa which I can only imagined terrified most of America. Unless anyone watched “So You Think You Can Dance” last season where Lady GaGa was introduced to the world. The performance was deliciously strange and she worked a zipper eye unlike anyone I have ever seen.

Back to results, Allison is sent to safety which is the only acceptable choice as she should not have been in the Bottom Three anyway (Scott!).

Anoop and Megan wait for Ryan to read who is eliminated while Megan has an overly exaggerated reaction that falls in line with her pee pee dance and singing style as she is acting like a 5 year old. Then the entire cast starts cawing at Megan which is hysterical. When Ryan asks about the judge’s save, Simon tells her with all due respect when (Megan) said she doesn’t care, well neither do we. We aren’t even going to even pretend to discuss saving you. This is your swan song, enjoy it. Megan Joy sings. Then she thanks the Idol crew, the judges, and the other Idols. Finally, she tells her baby that she is coming home which makes her cry for the rest of the clip. She is ready to go home and be with her baby.

Mama’s coming home!

Next week will be songs from the year they were born!

Bold Prediction: I believe Kris Allen will be our next American Idol!

J Ramp Out!

AI Top 9: Oh Idol, what hath thou wrought? (3/31)

Wow…This was THE BEST IDOL show ever. I had my doubts at first but everyone really stepped up there game tonight. All the performances were relevant and current. Everyone really wants to win this! The iTunes could have been a mess of a theme but instead I kind of find myself wanting iTunes night every week for the rest of the competition. IS that wrong? I can NOT wait to start talking about the show so let’s get right to it.

Um…April Fools. And I ain’t just talking about the fool who came up with this night. *shakes head* This was the worst Idol show of the season.

There is a lot of terrifying hair on stage tonight. Interested to see how this relates to the theme which has something to do with iTunes, but has been kept tightly under wraps for some reason. (Ah, I was so naive and innocent when I wrote this originally…who knew the hellish nightmare that was about to unfold.)

While the judges discuss how this Top 9 is shaping I will…hold on, Kara has been asked to define artistry which has become quite the joke on the Interwebs. Paula is of course asked if she has any props under her skirt, but we are given the all clear. Finally, Simon says he is looking forward to Ryan being amazing.

Allison’s dress has frightened Harry Hamlin and Lisa Renna’s small children.

The American Tool (Ryan Seacrest) invites the Top 9 to his radio show. The theme this week is most popular downloads. The children giggle in wonder as Ryan uses a computer and makes sounds by using a mouse.

This is American Idol…

1-Anoop Dawg
“Caught Up” by Usher

The back-up singers are front and center for the beginning of the number which ends up being the most exciting part of the performance. Unfortunately, Anoop hasn’t even a quarter of the charisma that Usher has. This performance was as exciting as a dental hygiene commercial.

Kandy basically calls him out on the dare that his college frat boys made to him.
Mother Paula is wearing a lot of pop rocks on her neck but thanks him for having fun again.
Simon calls it a complete an utter mess and told him that it gave him a headache.

Anoop isn’t wearing a tie tonight, but he is wearing an arrogance ascot tonight as he does not take kindly to the harsh comments from ALL the judges. Hysterical in all of this is the several shots of his group of college frat boys sitting in the audience.

You get 1 old woman showing you her dentures because that is how fresh and cool your performance was.

2-Megan Joy Corkrey
“Turn Your Lights Down Now”

Bob Marley?
Lauryn Hill?
Really.

Lady CawCaw proves that in fact, anyone can sing Reggae badly.

I also wonder how she can get any sense of rhythm based on her dancing.

Kandy is interrupted by the audience who are calling here a “broken” record.
Paula asks her to dig deep to find where the beauty grows and offers her advice to do a ballad on a stool with no accompaniment (i.e. what Banshee Queen did last week).
Simon and Kandy offer no help at all by telling her for the 700th time to be like Adele, Duffy, or Amy Winehouse.

You get 1 exploding light bulb because those lights don’t need to be dimmed, they need to be destroyed!

3-Ghoulish Widower
“What Hurts The Most” by Rascal Flatts

GOkey brings out the strings to “soften” the song and “sing his heart out”. Well, he doesn’t know how to do subtle as this was the guy who had a picture of his dead wife shown while someone pointed up to Heaven during the Hollywood rounds. His vocals were overpowering and he pushed way to hard. However, it was leaps and bounds better than the two previous performances so the judges will of course eat it up.

Paula keeps it real and doesn’t lose her mind.
Simon claps, calls him a race horse, and drops the old “that was your best performance”.
Kandy has introduced “swagger” into his vocabulary. The show started now…you moved everyone in the room tonight…and gave me goosebumps in that special place.

You get two copies of the Goosebumps book “Night Of The Living Dummy” because I feel like the title pretty much describes your performance style.

4-Allison Iraheta
“Don’t Speak” by No Doubt

Playing the guitar.

Okay. The song didn’t need to be as bad as her dress and hair. She should have just played the guitar and kept it low and vulnerable.

Kandy talked about the clothes. Not the performance. Just clothes.
Paula accurately describes the guitar and used the word intonation. Of course, she did not talk about the performance at all, so methinks she used the dictionary and wrote her critique in advance. However, she does say for the first time that Allison will go to the end. THANK YOU for acknowledging that someone else may be at the end besides Gokey, Adam, and Lil.
Simon agrees with Kandy and talks about the clothes. Seriously Simon…what is up?

You get three groups of frightened children and a few drunk Santas.

5-Mr. Magoo
“Just The Way You Are” by Billy Joel

The hair stylists clearly had fun at the expense of his blindness by styling his hair like Teen Wolf. The performance itself is astoundingly average. Scott can play the piano. Scott can sing. He does both well, but he is never more than aiight.

Kandy jokingly tells him that she likes the new look. (The camera then shoots to his hot seeing eye brother)
Paula tells him that she watches him and forgets he is blind. (I’m think that is a compliment?)
Simon tells him that it is his best performance by a country mile. (I don’t disagree because I can’t think of a “better” performance he has given.)

You get two Teen Wolves…because seriously, how could I not.

6-Matt G.
“You Found Me” by The Fray (I AM SO TIRED OF THE SONG!!!)

Ryan cuts into the start of the song.
Matt G plays the keyboard in a members only jacket. Surprisingly 80s for a modern song. Here’s the deal:
Matt wants to be British.
The judges want him to be Soul.
Never the twain shall meet.

Paula reminds him of the “Coldplay” performance and tells him it was too sound-alike.
Simon tells him that he is trying to be to many people.
Kandy tells him to let the flavor out and that he doesn’t deserve to go home.

You get three casts of Lost because oddly enough Simon, this song was so commercial…it was used in an actual commercial.

7-Lil Rounds
“I Surrender” by Celine Dion

OH MY GOD!

In no universe, should Lil ever sing a song by “Celine Dion”.

That being said, it wasn’t nearly as terrible as I expected it to be. There are times when she would go for those notes, she would look a bit like a fish. I was pretty much hypnotized by that.

Kandy said that she should sing Mary J. or Keyisha Cole (I agree) Mariah or Eric Carmen (I don’t agree and who ever suggests “Eric Carmen”).
Paula said that she doesn’t want to see Adult Contemporary Lil Rounds ever again. Never ever!
Simon told Lil that she is slowly dying. (Not unlike this night)

Ryan brings her children to hug Randy as the producers try desperately to keep Lil in the competition.

You get three Celine Dions because I want you to look closely at these pictures and ask yourself, is this really who you want to become?

8-The Banshee Queen
“Play That Funky Music” by Wild Cherry

lol! This is going to be AWESOME!!! (What I thought before the performance started)

Sadly, he even disappointed me tonight. He turned Contemporary Night into Disco Night, but what else would you expect from a Queen.

Paula places him on the same level as Mick Jagger and Steven Tyler. (But his lips aren’t big enough)
Simon calls him brave and says that it doesn’t matter. (Which is kind of true)
Kandy calls it Studio 57. (Six words for you Kandy: I think you mean Studio 54)

You get 4 Glitter Lips. No explanation needed.

9-Kris Allen
“Ain’t No Sunshine”
AWESOME!!!

THE BEST PERFORMANCE OF THE NIGHT!! (At this point I am so desperate to cling to anything remotely redeemable that I am practically crying because this performance didn’t make me die inside. However, he could of course done it better by just sticking to the keyboard and not messing with the band, but at least he turned it back down for the end of the song)

Kandy: Three words…THAT IS ARTISTRY!
Paula: First cut from the album.
Simon: You brought the swagger.

You get 5 rudimentary drawings of the sun because that is what you’re performance inspired.

Final Thoughts:

Who knew that any theme could be more painful than Country Night!?

There are so many Idols who are in trouble, let us name those who are safe.

Kris Allen, the boy you’d bring home to mother
and
Adam Lambert, the boy who would wear your mother’s clothes.

Everyone else is not safe. There is a chance Lil is okay because she picked a safe song and finished notes for the first time on the Idol Stage (thanks for reading the blog, Lil:-) Also, Ryan forcing her little boy to punch Randy may have bought her some votes. I suppose that Gokey made a deal with the devil will be staying, but everyone else is in trouble. Matt G. was slightly better which may save him from the bottom three.

Megan Joy, Scott, and Anoop will likely create your bottom three this week and I don’t really think the judges will save any of them. On a different note, I am glad to FINALLY see the judges stop pimping Gokey, Adam, and Lil
and finally admit that Kris and Allison have a chance to make it to the Final Three!

Here’s hoping Idol learns from their mistakes and NEVER EVER subjects ANY ONE to iTunes night again!

I’m serious Idol! Don’t even think about it!

J Ramp Out!