AI Season 8 Finale: Are You Serious!? Are You Freakin Serious!? (5/20)

Best line delivered after winning American Idol ever.

Okay, we have a lot to cover here so let’s get to it. The beginning montage makes Tuesday night’s show look way more exciting than it was. Also, I don’t like that they are were in the Kodak Theater for the entire season. It makes the finale seem less special somehow. Speaking of things that make the finale less special…

The judges are each mocked via video montage. Randy gets called out on his constant “for me for you” stammering while the editors are forced with the challenge of trying to find only one or two stupid phrases uttered by new judge Kara Dioguardi. They select “sweetie and honey” which in all honesty I never remembered her saying all that much. Appropriately, they showed some love to Paula Abdul this season who used a lot of big words correctly! Finally, there was an entire montage that was basically a PSA that Simon Cowell needs to invest in a hearing aid.

624 million votes later, Kris Allen and Glambert finds themselves in the center of this largely unexpected finale as Kris Allen hadn’t really been acknowledged by the judges as being a contender for the Idol crown for most of the competition. Two Idol correspondents are stationed at their respective hometown. Mikalah Gordon collects another paycheck to get more work done, and Carly Smithson needs to realize that she deserves more than being relegated to an Idol Correspondent!

1-Top 13
“So What” by Pink

The opening number was a hot mess! The first number isn’t even over yet and I have a bit of a problem with the Idols calling America a “tool”. While I fully support the song when Pink is singing it to get back at Corey Hart for breaking her heart, I feel it is counter intuitive for all the Idols to be calling the audience that voted for them a tool. As if that weren’t abrasive enough, we were subjected to rather lackluster choreography that involved jumping. Very angry, poppy kangaroos jumping to the center of the stage. In a complete switching of gears our second performance comes to us from last year’s Idol…

2-David Cook
“Permanent”

David Cook’s brother just died very recently of cancer. He has actually been working with a foundation to help find a cure. This song sounds like it is very much about his brother and was a very appropriate and touching tribute. Cookie seems like a very genuinely nice guy a gave a very classy performance unlike…

Nick Mitchell who wins a Golden Idol award for Best Male. As he takes the stage in a hoodie to accept his award feigning shock and surprise. Then Boom Boom Boom Karate Kick, he takes off all of his hoodies and pants to reveal his Norman Gentile outfit and just totally nails his final performance as Norman Gentile. As if that weren’t enough silliness, the camera goes back to Ryan Seacrest sporting the trademark sweatband and glasses. It’s the best he has ever looked. After this, one of the most inappropriately pimped idols of all time takes the stage.

3-Lil Rounds and Queen Latifah
“Cue The Rain”

How about cue the stylist because lord knows I love me some Queen Latifah (What up Khadiijah!) and I think she is a beautiful woman, but that black catsuit was an error in judgment. However, this vocal pairing is appropriate as they are both incredibly adequate vocalists who I always want to be a bit better than they are. That being said, this is probably Lil Rounds best performance since the Mary J. Blige number she did during Top 36 Rounds.

4-Anoop, Alexis, and Jason Mraz backed by Idol Chorus
“I’m Yours”

I love this song and the performance goes very well except that Jason Mraz looks like a grown man. When did that happen?

We then watch The Journey of Kris Allen which just reinforces the warm fuzzies I’ve been feeling all season! Kris Allen may be one of the most humble Idols in the history of the show and he has really grown over the course of the show! The warm fuzzies subside though as we get to the first of several incredibly awkward male duets.

5-Kris Allen and Keith Urban
“Kiss A Girl”

Let me start by saying that this is not a bad song. However, it was a little disconcerting how deeply Kris Allen and Keith Urban kept gazing into each others eyes. I also can’t believe Nikki Kidman let Keith out of the house dressed like that. Here is a couple of tips Keith Urban.

1. If you can button your shirt over your man cleavage, pick another shirt.
2. You are not Kris Allen’s age, it is not okay for you to dress like a Jonas Brother.

6-The Ladies of Idol plus Fergie
“Glamorous” “It’s Personal”

Just when you think someone couldn’t look older than Allison Iraheta or sing with more awkward phrasing than Megan Joy Corkrey, Fergie comes out in all her shemale glory and sing songs from a couple years ago. She then runs off stage to take her short skirt off to reveal even shorter booty shorts make a costume change.

7-Black Eyed Peas
“Boom Boom Pow”

Thankfully full body leotards are back for this finale! Thanks for that trend Miley Cyrus! Something unexplained happened during the performance where the camera went to the floor and all was silent. In a few short seconds, everything has back to normal. At least as normal as things can be when Fergie is wearing sparkly Wolverine claws. Then comes one of the most surprisingly entertaining moments of the show.

So the infamous Bikini Girl wins the Golden Idol for Best Attitude. Simon and Randy drool over her as she takes the stage showing off what she bought with her 15 minutes of fame. Ryan convinces her to take the stage to sing “Vision of Love” by Mariah Carey. It is terrible, as it should be. All of sudden a booming voice comes from behind and Kara DioGuardi takes the stage and completely blows Bikini Girl out of the water with pretty decent vocals. On top of that, at the end of the number she opens her dress to reveal that Kara looks pretty good in a bikini herself. Afterwards, Ryan reveals that they bet Kara she wouldn’t do it, but she did so that a lot of money is getting donated to her favorite charity.

9-Allison Iraheta and Cyndi Lauper
“Time After Time”

OH MY GOD!!! AWESOME!!! I love Cyndi Lauper!!! Allison Iraheta is doing really well!! Hands down my favorite celebrity duet of the night!!!

Ryan then interviews both sets of parents. The Allens are adorable and a little bit country!!! The Lamberts are suitably chic and a little bit rock’n'roll! Unfortunately, the good performances come to end as GOKEZILLA takes the stage!!!

10-Gokezilla and Lionel Richie
“Hello” “Just Go” “All Night Long”

Second awkward male duet of the evening! Mostly because of the recent song “Just Go” in which basically both men offer to do really considerate things for each other…”I’m gonna do the dishes girl!”, “Let me wash the laundry”, “Baby, baby, who wants a foot rub?”. There seems to be a bit of back and forth there and Gokey seems genuinely blown away that he is singing with Lionel Ritchie. As soon as “Just Go” ends though, Gokey goes in to close to Ritchie and puts a hand on his shoulder only to be pushed away as Lionel begins to sing “All Night Long”. Make no mistake Gokey, this night is about no one but Lionel Ritchie!

The Journey of Adam Lambert Montage
The only growth that Glambert has gone through is that his complexion has gotten much better throughout the season. Not that I haven’t found him ridiculously entertaining this season, but he came into the season at the same level he is leaving it. In that way I feel Kris Allen is better suited to win American Idol.

11-Glambert and KISS
“Beth” “Rock City” “I Wanna Rock and Roll all Night”

Wow! Flames, make-up, and giant rhinestone cod pieces. But enough about Glambert! KISS takes the stage with Lambert in possibly one of the most perfect unions on the American Idol stage!

12-Carlos Santana and Matt Giraud/The Top 13
“Black Magic Woman” and “Smooth”

Several awkward things happen in this number. Here is the list:
Glambert messes up the lyrics by singing “7 inches in the mid-day sun”
Jorge enjoys being on stage again and shows this by gyrating and sexy dancing like a fool.
Kris Allen tries to do the choreography with Jasmine Murray who either doesn’t know or doesn’t care.
Heather Locklear gets a camera shoved in her face while she is dancing
Anoop and Lil Rounds do over the top air guitar
Janice Dickinson gives a thumbs up to the camera implying she knows where she is.

The Final Ford commercial airs and the song actually sounds pretty good. Adam and Kris harmonize pretty well. Then David Cook gives them each a Ford Fusion.

13-”Pretty Flowers”
Steve Martin plays the banjo while Michael Sarver and Megan Joy Corkrey desecrate a rather charming little ditty written by Steve Martin. The moment is redeemed by Steve Martin admitting that he hopes that he wins American Idol!

14-The Men of Idol
“If You Want My Body”

Perhaps, the most awkward male performance of the night occurs when the men of Idol have to sing this song while acting like Chippendale dancers. There is really nothing more I can say about this.

15-Rod Stewart
“Maggie May”

Rod Stewart gets out of the home to wake up Maggie May one more time. Despite his onstage antics he does not break a hip, so ultimately I guess that makes the performance a good one for him. Personally, I have never really understood the appeal of Rod Stewart, but good for him.

16-El Diablo
“Saving All My Love”

El Diablo wins the final Golden Idol as she takes the stage in the most convincing of the Golden Idol skits because America is really unsure if she was supposed to take the stage and sing “Saving All My Love” for the fourth time. Well played Tatiana! You certainly fulled Roooooben Studdard!

17-Kris Allen and Adam Lambert with the surviving members of Queen
“We Are The Champions”

So Kris and Glambert become the champions in Heaven as Kris is just happy to finally do a duet where they play off each other! Surprisingly, they both totally make the song work! Soon the chorus throws their hands-up and the sway bots go into full effect right before our Idol is announced!

Simon has genuinely kind words for both the contestants before a very VERY British man comes out to give the results to Ryan Seacrest. His name Mr. Edward Bottingtom.

After nearly 100 million votes the winner of American Idol is Kris Allen!!! No one of course is more surprised than Kris Allen himself. His first words are “Are you serious!? Are you freakin’ serioius!?” He humbly claims that Glambert deserves this. As Ryan announces that Kris will be singing “No Boundaries” again, Kris and Glambert share a hearty laugh because they know how ridiculous the song is. Kris sounds great despite the lyrics! His family is huddled together in excitement and love for their boy!

Truthfully, this has gone exactly like I wanted it to go. Kris has truly gone on Idol journey since the start of the show whereas Glambert came into the show already at superstar level. It will be better for Glambert to not be confined by the restrictions of being an American Idol. This will be seen as a huge upset by some as Glambert was heralded as the winner of American Idol almost since the beginning of the competition. The answer to how he got usurped is likely quite simple. All the votes that went to Gokey more than likely went to Kris Allen giving him that bump he needed to overcome the million vote difference between the final two! My favorite shot of the night was when Kris’ wife jumps up on stage and the two embrace while Kris Allen finally shows the overwhelming emotion of winning American Idol!

Keep On Weathering Those Hurricanes!

J Ramp Out!

AI Finale

I will post about the finale by sometime on Friday but I will say YAY Kris ALLEN:-)

AI Final Two: Weathering Hurricanes To Hold On To Your Dreams (5/19)

So the finale starts with footage of Glambert and Kris Allen saying things like “I am the next American Idol” and “In Your Face Other People” from their auditions. (No wonder auditions take so long!) This is spliced together with footage of the judges’ comments during the season. What becomes immediately apparent is how unprepared everyone on staff was for Kris Allen to make it to the finales.

Examples of comments on Glambert:
“OMG GLAMBERT YOU ARE AWESOME!!!”
“HOW DO YOU HIT THOSE NOTES!!!”
“I WAS BLIND BUT NOW I SEE BECAUSE OF THE POWER OF YOUR VOICE”
“SEE YOU IN THE FINALE! (ad nauseum)!!!

Examples of comments on Kris Allen:
“First of all, you look beautiful tonight”
“That was pretty decent…yup.”
“Oh, are you still here?”
“Quit hitting my Simon…no you shut up! No you shut up, stupid face! No you’re the stupid head”!

The overall impression I got during this mediocre and disappointing finale is that no one on the production staff was prepared for a Glambert/Allen finale and nor did they care to be.

This is….American Idol!

Glambert:

Round One: Mad World (Glambert’s Favorite Performance of the Season)
Round Two: A Change Is Gonna Come (Simon Fuller’s Choice)
Round Three: No Boundaries (Idol Coronation Song co-written by half of Kandy)

Adam begins the show atop an illuminated stair case in silhouette entrenched in darkness and fog and entrenched specifically because he is actually wearing a trench coat. You can always tell when Glambert is singing a ballad because he is hardly visible and smogged up. Unquestionably the right choice of song. Unfortunately, it went downhill from there. Simone Fuller (creator of Idol) selected the soul gem “A Change Is Gonna Come” for Glambert to sing which makes me wonder if Simon Fuller has watched a single episode this season. I appreciate the song but it does not suit Glambert at all and though he attempts to glam it up. I am left with a decidedly mediocre and boring performance. Unfortunately, a change does come…for the worse when Glambert takes the stage to sing quite possibly one of the worst Idol coronation songs since Season Five’s “Inside Your Heaven”. I will address this year’s “No Boundaries” later but Glambert’s final performance does him no favors. That song does a disservice to music in general and the night ends for Glambert with only one solid and unique performance.

The judges critiques range from using letters of the alphabet (Kandy: A is for Adam and Artistry) to air lassos (Paula: You are going to be iconic! Yes you are!) to laughing at the ridiculous lyrics for “No Boundaries” (Thank you Simon!). Surprisingly the judges talked very little about these specific performances and just very emphatically stated their support of Adam Lambert.

Kris Allen

Round One: “Ain’t No Sunshine” (Kris’ Favorite Performance of the Season)
Round Two: “What’s Going On” (Simon Fuller’s Choice)
Round Three: “No Boundaries” (Idol Coronation Song)

I love Kris Allen’s first song mostly because I think it is one of the best songs ever written. I agree with Kris selecting it because it is the best performance he had on the piano. I expect he will play the guitar later in the show so playing the piano will demonstrate versatility. This particular performance was slightly more emo than his original performance of the song. Simon Fuller’s choice was at least more suitable for Kris Allen and his Jug Band. Kris gave a very unassuming performance that clearly had some thought during his acapella delivery of the “war is not the answer” line. I would have liked him to structure the end differently but I felt this was a much more comfortable performance than the other Simon Fuller selection of the night. Finally, Kris tackles the Idol Coronation song and the best I can say is that it didn’t make me want to throw up as much as when Glambert sang it. Kris’ voice is warmer and he so much heart that the song was slightly more palatable. Overall, I think Kris Allen owned the night.

The judges comments ranged from the distracted (Kandy: I hope the Lakers win tonight!) to the inspirational (Kandy: Make them think! Make them feel! Make them change!) to the made up words (Paula: You Allenize everything you sing!) to the honest (Simon: I was surprised when they called your name last week, but America got it right!).

The Idol Coronation Song:

I managed to get access to the original lyrics for “No Boundaries” co-written by Kara Dioguardi. I think you’ll find them interesting. Also, I’ve added illustrations that I think really capture the incredible spirit of this song which ultimately is a testament to music, mankind, and artistry!

Seconds, Minutes, Half Hours, Hours, Days, Weeks, so many months
You know what you want but how long can you wait
Every moment last forever if you feel you’ve lost your way
What if my your chances are already gone
Started believing that I could be wrong for being a judge on this show
But you give me one good reason and I’ll turn right back around
to fight and never walk away
P.S. I can totally sing better than Kelly Clarkson and Tracy Chapman combined

Coz hear I am — still holding on!

Every step you make climb another mountain
Every breath you take its harder to believe
I’ll be watching you

You’ll make it through all your arthritis aches and pains
Weather the flash floods and hurricanes
To get to that one thing
One love
One life

When you think the road is going nowhere
Just when you’ve almost gave up on your dreams
Then take it by the hand even though dreams don’t have hands and show you that you can

You can go higher
You can go deeper
If we love each other, it’s okay Matt G.
There are no boundaries
Above and beneath you
To the front or beside you
Or on either side of you if you are facing forward
B-reak every rule coz there’s nothing between you
and your dreams

Every step you climb another mountain
Every tip toe you ford another stream
Every thought you follow every rainbow
Till you find your dream
Every breathe its harder to believe


Random Idol Thoughts:

Clearly they were stretching on what to label this finale conflict. They had it easy with The Two Davids last season but come on guys: Guy next door vs. guy liner? Conway vs California. Acoustic rocker vs. glam rocker.

The personal information learned about each contestant was really not fun at all. Glambert was a screaming colic baby and Kris Allen’s family had to pay Kris a quarter to make him sing for his family.

Katie Holmes and Suri were let out of the compound this evening.

Ryan fondles Kris Allen as much as possible tonight because tomorrow, it will all be over.

Why did the finale end with Carrie Underwood singing the elimination song over a montage of extra footage from the season? Why is she trying to get all up in our heaven?!

Final Thoughts:

The Idols should be able to pick all their own songs for the finale because honestly, this show was ruined by Simon Fuller and Kara Dioguardi. At the end of the night, I feel Kris Allen pulled off a better show in that he demonstrated most of what makes Kris Allen great. Glambert however was not able to really glam anything up to the levels of ridiculous entertainment that he had been over the course of the season.

If America votes based on last night, Kris Allen will be our next American Idol.
If America votes based on the season, Glambert will be our next American Idol.

Hopefully the finale is more entertaining than tonight!

J Ramp Out!

Quick Thoughts On Idol Results (5/13)

YAY KRIS ALLEN!!!!!

The first person sent to safety last night that will be performing in the finale was Kris ALLEN!!!! YAY!!!! I totally think that “Heartless” made all the difference!!!

So we left with the duo of Glambert and Gokey and America decided to put the GO in Gokey leaving us with Kris Allen/Glambert Final Two!!!

This particular results night is when we see the Idol’s Going Home packages. No surprises there. Gokezilla came across like a punk, laughing at a girl who ran to keep up with his limo. There was one tender moment when he started to tear up as he was driving in a parade with his BFF Jamal by his side. Kris Allen came across as a slightly cooler Carrie Underwood. There was something incredibly special about him singing for thousands of people with just his guitar. His dad was a weepy mess who kept giving his son hugs and letting him know how proud he was of Kris! Glambert had no family has part of his Going Home Package but was entertaining if not a little distant or at least a little uncomfortable being himself. I definitely think there is a difference between Glambert’s stage persona and Adam Lambert the person. He also had a female streaker jump on stage which was immediately followed by him laughing in the limo after the concert. Hysterical!

Jordin Sparks came back looking moodier than ever singing a terrible TERRIBLE song that apparently will be her first single.

Katy Perry also performed and let’s just say that it is a good thing she is cute, because she ain’t got much else going for her as a live performer.

Can’t wait for next week!!!!

J Ramp Out!!!

AI Final Three: Please Don’t Be Heartless America! (5/12)

The close-ups of each of the Final Three were indicative of each contestant.

Gokey gives a smile befitting a smarmy bastard.
Kris looks serious and artistic (like a winner:-).
Adam purses his lips like the Banshee Queen he is.

Happy 300th episode American Idol!

Two songs tonight for each Idol. One is there choice, the other is the judges. We’ll start with the judges’ picks.

This is American Idol!

1-Gokezilla
“Dance Little Sister”

Basically Paula picks this song because she believes that Gokey can be a one-hit wonder!

Since Gokezilla is in full effect, I can hardly watch Danny perform without wanting to physically hit Kara in the face. Admittedly, it does not take much to make me want to hit Kara in the face.

Kandy: you sounded like a doped up horse. You were in your money spot but I will forget tomorrow.
Paula talks to Danny like he is a first grader. Good job buddy! Gold star! You get a juice box!
Simon thought the dancing was desperate and the saxophone solo was ridiculous.

As if I didn’t dislike Gokey enough he states that it doesn’t even matter what the judges say because he just want to get out here and sing a song. Everyone joins in on the fun of talking about everything else but the fact that Gokey did not sound good. Paula is screaming “no” while Simon is attacking here off screen.

For this performance you get 3 elephants because like your mediocre wedding singer performance, no one seems to be acknowledging them.

2-Kris Allen
“Apologize”

lol! Kandy actually picks the song for Kris which means that American Idol doesn’t want him to win! Kandy wants him to have a “moment” but really they want him to fail.

When I watch Kris perform, I watch an artist. It wasn’t my favorite performance of his, but I enjoyed it.

Kandy: that was really nice and competent. Take more chances.
Paula calls him out on a bum note but reminds him that she is so proud of him.
Simon calls Kandy out for not living up their responsibilities of providing direction.

For this performance you get 5 “Mike Tyson’s: Punch Outs” because I want to punch Kandy in the face for the way they are acting tonight think you killed it tonight.

3-Glambert
“One”

Simon picked and arranged Adam’s choice. U2 said it would be their pleasure to have Adam sing “One”.

Not my favorite Glambert performance. Since Simon ran his yap, I am going to blame him for the arrangement.

Kandy doesn’t like the arrangement so they are just getting back at Simon.
Paula wants to slap Simon hard in the face and makes several puns using the word “One”.
Simon calls it a brilliant song choice and said that if Glambert is not in the finals it will be the biggest upset ever. Paula goes into full Three Stooges mode and repeatedly screams the word “Outrageous!”

For this performance I would give you Three Stooges, but you’ve already got Four! Aww…what up!?

Idol Gives Back Update: Carrie Underwood goes to save hundreds of children in Africa.

Round Two: Ding Ding!

4-Gokezilla
“You Are So Beautiful”

Ryan imitates young girls as Gokey takes the stage. (Good one, Seacrest!)

In one last bid for America’s votes, Gokey plays the dead wife card…again.

Kandy you can really really really really sing. That was stunning. stunning.
Paula we are left breathless by the magic you infused.
Simon calls it a vocal masterclass which makes me really mad because Elliott got the same comment from Simon although it was only “in parts” a vocal masterclass when Elliott sang a “Song for You”.

You get four Elliott Yamins because you will never ever be as awesome as Elliott!

P.S. Elliott’s new album “Fight For Love” dropped this week. Be sure to get your copy:-)

Gokezilla shares his mantra of Fresh Mind. Fresh Heart. No OHpinions.

2-Kris Allen
“Heartless”

WHAT!? I am immediately intrigued.

AMAZING!!! I had a smile on my face the entire performance!!! AMAZING!!!

Kandy: Better than the original! Bold, brave, and fearless!!! Kudos!!!
Paula: This is what keeps you relevant to be able to do something completely different.
Simon admits to writing Kris out of the competition until that performance. Everything has changed!

For this performance you get 6 AWESOME PUPPIES!!! 6 Seriously Awesome Puppies!!!

3-Glambert
“Crying”

lol! He is doing Aerosmith…the way it should be done.

Well, I didn’t get to hear that entire performance due to an Emergency Alert Message. However, I made sure to listen to entire performance online. Sounded fine, but not one of my favorites. However, this was not my favorite Glambert night. I’m didn’t think either song choice was the best option for him and neither performance lived up to past performance.

Kandy: You are one of the best we’ve ever had on this stage. You are a rock star. Who hits those notes?
Paula: You have earned frequent flier miles because you are going to be flying forever.
Simon reminds people to vote for Adam Lambert because he deserves to be there.

For singing an Aerosmith song after last week’s fiasco you get 4 “IN YOUR FACE GOKEYS!”

Glambert remains humble and acknowledges what an awesome job Kris and Gokey did.

Final Thoughts:

Kris Allen was my favorite tonight which means he is probably going home this week. “Heartless” was the best performance of the night and certainly the most creative. At least it looks like he had fun tonight. I have no idea how this will pan out this week but all I can say is that I am hopin’ for a Allen/Glambert Finale!

J Ramp Out!

Please to enjoy

My favorite part is when Paula halts her chair dancing and freezes with a look of terror on her face. She then sits down. That’s how bad this note was, Paula stopped dancing and sat down.

AI Final Four: Real Rockers Wear Vests! (5/5)

Accidents abound on the set and the Idols have not had a proper run-thru. Apparently, one side of the stage started to fall apart. A big glass orb exploded and the stage manager, Debbie, was attacked by the big staircase when it retracted too soon giving her quite a nasty gash. Ambulances came and she was wheeled off in a stretcher. Right before rehearsal was supposed to start the glass orb started to sizzle as debris and glass fell on the stage. Needless to say, rehearsal was canceled for the day meaning that the Idols had no run through before performing live tonight! But according to Ryan, as they say on broadway in Hollywood, the show must go on.

Tonight’s show did go on as Gokey finally won his way into my heart! I finally have seen the light and realize what all the Goke-heads have been seeing all season long. After tonight, Danny Gokey is my next American Idol!

The Idols will be singing six songs tonight, four individual performances and two duets. Speaking of Idols, they came out tonight dressed like little Rock-Tarts! Slash of Guns’n'Roses fame is the mentor this week and I’m not gonna lie, hearing Slash talk removes some of the mystique for me.

America, are you ready to rock!? Cuz this is….American Idol!
(P.S. You remember that bit about Gokezilla winning me over…Sike! I lied!)

1-Glambert
“Whole Lotta Love”

Slash mumbles “Resist the Banshee”.

Love…everything…about…Glambert!
(Except his he-vage! Your neckline doesn’t need to plunge that low!)

Kandy: You are a rock god! I’M GONNA SCREAM IT AGAIN! YOU ARE A ROCK GOD! SCREAM!! SCREAM!!!
Paula: You are a whole lotta perfect! (See what she did there…word play…off the name of the song!)
Simon: It was one of my favorite performances you’ve ever done and nobody can top that now.

This was the first time Glambert ever opened the show and I tend to agree with Simon that it was a little unfair. However, it was hysterical to watch the Banshee Queen say things like “I love ZEPPLIN!!!” “Black Sabbath is FABULOUS!!!”

You get 5 Elton Johns dressed as Donald Duck because you are ridiculous and I love every minute of it!

2-Iraheta
“Cry Baby”

In the pre-performance interview we find out that Allison and Glambert have become BFF (Best Friends Forever) as Allison went to Adam’s hair stylist this week.

Slash mumbles don’t be afraid and belt it out.

Whoever followed Glambert tonight had a tough act to follow. That being said, I really believe Allison held her own! It was not a perfect version of “Cry Baby” but I think it certainly had some meat to it!

Kandy: You can sing your face off and you’re a transformer!
Paula: You could play Janis Joplin in the biopic.
Simon: I would have picked the other song, not as original as first, but you’ve grown leaps and bounds.

Then Allison fights back and mouths off to the judges! It never gets truly awkward because Allison keeps it light by just throwing her fists in the air while “grrrrrr”ing which is adorable! Simon applauds her for fighting for herself.

You get 5 Johnny Depps from “Crybaby” because even though some people haven’t taken you seriously, you actually have a shot at the finale!

3-DUET: Kranny
“Renegade”

Good song choice for them! The beginning was nice but unfortunately, Kris struggled as I expected him too and Gokezilla was no help because he just dominated with his boy band vocal stylings and didn’t attempt to blend with Kris at all near the end.

Kandy: The harmonies are on blast! United you stand!
Paula: The duet was powerful and compelling! Good idea!
Simon: Ummm…who was better…Gokey!

The duet gets one giant monster screaming and attacking the performance…and also a picture of Godzilla!

4-Kris Allen
“Come Together”

Playing dueling guitars with Slash made Kris pee his pants.

Slash mumbled for Kris to pick up the actual live performance.

Good song choice! Awesome sound! Glad he rocked out on his guitar! However, more so than any other Idol this season. I feel like Kris Allen knows exactly who he is as an artist. He plays his own instruments and arranges his own music. I really enjoyed this performance!

Kandy: You aren’t really a rock rock guy, but I liked it! You tried to hard.
(JRamp’s note to Kandy: Actually looking at the way you’re dressed Kara, I’d say you tried to hard)
Paula: Your imprint on the song was good! You are an artist but you need to have a little more energy!
Simon: Didn’t like it that much. It was like eating ice for lunch.

You get 5 old-timey bike messengers because you sir, despite what Simon says, are the total package!

5-Gokey
“Dream On”


Slash mumbled it all depends on the last note.

Trew words Slash! Last note indeed. I am reminded of the old tale of Icarus trying to get to close to the sun as Gokezilla tried to out banshee Glambert. It was quite possibly the worst note in Idol history and Gokezilla had no idea as he was clapping for himself at the end and saying thank you to the audience. Thankfully, the judges were with me.

Kandy: It was aiight but you took it too far.
Paula: That was not the right song.
Simon: The last note was like watching a horror movie and calls him out on trying to be like Adam.

Gokezilla then defends himself in a less charming way than Allison. Eventually throws his hands up and says whatever. Gokezilla than whine a bit about rock not being his genre. You know who else could have complained about rock not being their genre…Kris, but guess what Danny, he didn’t!

You get one artist’s rendering of the Icarus Myth because I think tonight you learned what happens when you try to get to close to the sun!

6-DUET: Glammison
“Slow Ride”

That was just a whole lotta fun! Not an amazing performance, but I’m not sure it is possible with that song. However, this duet totally helped Allison stake a claim for a possible finale spot. At the very least, she has made it through to next week! Also, I would like to point out how genuinely supportive Glambert and Allison were of each other! Smiling when the other hit their notes and playing off of each other, like a duet should be. The chemistry these two shared was incredible and only highlights the lack of chemistry in the Kris/Gokey duet. Not that Kris didn’t try because he turned towards Gokey to start singing, but Gokey doesn’t know how to play well with others as he stayed face front the entire performance.

Kandy: You are seasoned rockers! Rock God! Rock Goddess!
Paula: You are perfect blend, perfect marriage! Unlike us (gestures to the judges!).
Simon: You had the best duet!

You get 5 Ned and Chucks because some pairings are just perfect!

Final Thoughts: Kris and Gokey are in trouble. While Kris didn’t do anything wrong, this was not his strongest week and I knew he would be in trouble going into Rock Week. However, Gokey hit the worst night in Idol History tonight but I don’t know if it will be enough to thwart all the Goke-heads out there. I fear the worst for Kris:-(

J Ramp Out!