So I have said before that I believe SYTYCD is essentially a high school where dancers come to learn. In that setting, Nigel of course is like the principal and Mary is the crazy teacher who has been there forever and students either love or think is ridiculous. The two of them would probably take part in skits during school assemblies among other funny skits throughout the school year. I would love both of them, especially Mary. Here’s who I would not love. The new-ish teacher with little beady ferret eyes who was insincere and trying to be like one of the student’s love them or hate them teacher (i.e. Mia Michaels) and that my friend is Mr. Tyce Diorio. My hatred for him has extended from his choreography to his very essence as a person. I don’t like the way he is insincere with both praising of the judges and the dancers. Also, he comes up with these little nuggets of wisdom that you know he thinks he is the wisest person ever. In addition, I don’t like how he is trying to “brand” himself as a judge and come up with identifiable character traits as a judge. (Mary has her “hot tamale” train, Lil C is nearly indecipherable at times). Finally, I believe Tyce Diorio would be the teacher most likely to sleep with a student. Yes I do!!! But enough about that insincere ferret, let’s get on with the show!

Cat Deeley looked stunning tonight! Every pair is performing two numbers tonight! It’s getting real y’all!

Welcome to….SOYOUTHINKYOUCANDANCE!

1-Melissa and Ade

Style: Disco by Doriana Sanchez
Song: “Move On Up” by Destination

Melissa did much better on Disco than I thought she would. She was not nearly as stiff as one might expect a ballerina to be. Her and Ade worked it out on this number. While I do not believe it was as good as Brandon and Janette’s Disco number, it was pretty good. The lifts were incredible and the number was entertaining. This is the best Dorian Sanchez has ever been on So You Think You Can Dance! Disco is serious stuff people!

Their second number was lovely. Again, I wasn’t blown out of the water but it was a well done Waltz that seemed effortless. At the end of the day, Melissa and Ade are never going to win this competition but they have been consistently good dancers and I am interested to see how long they last when they don’t have each other next week.

Style: Waltz by Ron Montez
Song: “(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman” by Mary J. Blige

2-Kayla and Kupono

Style: Contemporary by Mia Michaels
Song: “Gravity” by Sara Bareilles

The brilliant Mia Michaels strikes again. This piece made me cry. Honestly, it was amazing and incredibly moving. Perhaps I was also glad that we didn’t have another routine about people falling in love…which frankly I am getting tired of watching. Kupono got to me in the interview section talking about his friend who struggled with drug addiction and then to watch the actual piece was powerful. Kayla danced extremely well and threw her entire body into it and gave herself to the dance. Kupono has grown leaps and bounds after joining her.

Their second number was not as awesome as their first but still pretty good. They absolutely did not fully realize this particular style of Broadway. All their movement should have been bigger which may have come if they came up with more defined characters. In this sense, I do not suppose they let the dance consume them so much the second time around as they did with the Addiction dance. It was a slight stumble for Kayla who up until this week I thought had a chance of winning this competition.

Style: Broadway by Joey Dowling
Song: “The Dance At The Gym” from West Side Story

3-Caitlin and Jason

Style: Foxtrot by Tony Meredith and Melanie
Song: “Minnie the Moocher” by Big Bad Voodoo Daddy

Yes, they looked lovely. Yes, they had the unfortunate luck of following the Mia Michaels piece. However, this Foxtrot was just blah for me. It felt sluggish and a little contrived. At this point, I feel I have given Jason enough chances and truly neither one of them does anything for me.

I was happy they finally got their style for the second number, but that being said, they did not wow me…even in their own style. I also hated this screechy screechy song so that may have influenced me as well. They are definitely in the Bottom Three tonight, no question.

Style: Lyrical Jazz by Mandy Moore
Song: “Show Me Heaven” by Maria McKee

4-Jeanine and Phillip

Style: Russian Folk Dance by Youri Nelzine and Lilia Babenko
Song: “Kalinka” by Barynya

One word…ridiculous! (And not in the good way) The costumes and Pinocchio face make-up set them up for failure. Also, every week that Philip is on the show just betrays how weak a dancer he truly is. There was one moment when he was on the floor during this number that was laughable. Jeanine had outgrown him. Her commitment to character is exceptional and I never truly thought she seemed as ridiculous in this number. I am excited for her to be paired with someone new and I am hoping that Phillip leaves us very soon.

That being said, I think Phillip really outdid himself with the Jive. I agree with Nigel that it was his best performance outside of his style. However, that ain’t saying much because it was still not on the level with most of the other dancers on this show. Jeanine again completely outperformed him in both technique and character. Unfortunately, she will have to dance for life tonight as they will both be in the Bottom Three.

Style: Jive by Tony Meredith and Melanie
Song: “Stuff Like That There” by Bette Midler

5-Randi and Evan

Style: Hip-Hop by Tabitha and Napoleon
Song: “Halo” by Beyonce

Not my favorite Tabitha and Napoleon number but very adorable to watch. Randi and Evan are as cute and innocent a couple as ever. The choreography was fine, but the execution was not as sharp and hard hitting as it could have been. Unfortunately, I do believe they will be in the Bottom Three tonight.

The Samba was again not as fully realized as it could have been. If Pasha and Anya had done this it would have been RIDICULOUS!!! Unfortunately, Randi and Evan can not smolder with passion. They can just be cute like bunnies. So yeah, they danced it well enough but it wasn’t at the level it should have been. I think Randi needs to become more comfortable with herself and her body. Evan I don’t believe will ever be able to pull off the passionate sexy character. He is just not that kind of dancer.

Style: Samba by Anya and Pasha
Song: “Ritmo De Bum Bom” by Jababa

6-Janette and Brandon

Style: Argentine Tango by Miriam Larici
Song: “Libertango” from Forever Tango

I was entranced by this Tango. I have never seen a ballroom number on this show as perfectly performed as Brandon and Janette did tonight. They are just insanely talented and I am really sad to see them split up next week. While I was not a big fan of them in the beginning, they have both grown on me considerably. There is really nothing left to say other than this number blew my mind!

Their second number was just good ol’ fun and truly, they have been able to handle every single style that has been thrown at them and master it. It will be interesting to see how well they do when they are split up next week, but man I will be sad to see them working with other people because they were a powerhouse together. Honestly, I don’t think it is all Brandon either as Janette has done incredibly well to hold her own. However, right now Brandon owns this competition. I guess I’m all right with that because there really isn’t any one I want to win more but sadly, I am just not as attached to any one dancer as much as I was attached to most of the cast from last season.

Style: Jazz by Wade Robson
Song: “Ruby Blue” by Roisin Murphy

Final Thoughts:

The bottom three will be:

Jason and Caitlin
Randi and Evan
Phillip and Jeanine

I just don’t see how Jason and Caitlin will get through this week. I would love for Phillip to go, but I think they want him on tour because he will sell tickets. The show really started for me last week and I am happy to say that this week was just as enjoyable!

J Ramp Out!

Before I get started let me just say that I love Mary Murphy more than life itself! Yes I do! She makes me happy even when I am blue. In fact, this entire show makes me happy when I am blue. What I love most about So You Think You Can Dance is how empowering and encouraging it is to the art of dance. Unlike “American Idol” which feels like a sterile cutthroat competition most weeks, SYTYCD really has a higher goal and that is a beautiful thing. Speaking of beautiful, I want Cat Deeley to be the host of my life. There I’ve said it, I want her to be the host of my life!

Welcome…to SoYouThinkYouCanDance!

Favorite Cat Deeley Moments:

1. When know that Mary likes her Cha-Cha rough, but does she like it dangerous?
2. Shhh! Don’t Tell The Children.
3. I think you look like baddies, like Dick Tracy, like Ka-Pow!
4. Safety first, Nigel! Safety first!
5. Roe-may-O! Roe-may-O!

1-Janette and Brandon
Style: Cha-Cha-Cha by Jean Marc Genereaux
Song: “Hush Hush” by The Pussycat Dolls

As a couple they are technically strong, but I am not emotionally attached to either of them or their awkward laughs. Until of course, Mia makes Brandon cry by admitting that she has been hard on him because of all of his potential! This is one of the best Cha-Cha’s I have ever seen on the show and Janette and Brandon remain a powerhouse couple. It was sexy, fun, and technically spot on and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Despite Brandon being a dorkier version of Joshua, I do believe that Brandon is one of two people vying for the title at this point.

2-Kayla and Kupono
Style: Contemporary by Sonya Tayeh
Song: “Eyes on Fire” by Blue Foundation

Despite being one K away from a hate group, Kayla and Kupono are developing into a great couple! I also had not put together that Kupono and Mark (from Season 4) were both from Hawaii. Kayla is a slightly more committed dancer especially when it comes to a character, but I agree with the judges in that this pairing is bringing the best out of Kupono. I didn’t see the whole vampire connection, but it was interesting to watch the routine as if he were death. I also enjoy the fact that Nigel made fun of Mary for her “Yes they are! Yes they are!”

3-Randy and Evan
Style: Broadway by Joey Dowling
Song: “Rich Man’s Frug” from Sweet Charity

While I could easily have lunch with Randy and Evan, they are losing a little steam as a couple as each week they are just slightly falling short of nailing the choreography. This week, however, was all about the introduction of a new Broadway choreographer (THANK GOD!) by the name of Father Dowling. But seriously folks, of course Joey Dowling and Mia Michaels are friends because they are both extremely creative powerful women who feed on the tears of young dancers. But on to this routine, it just kind of fell short for me. The choreography is very stylized and there is something that just didn’t click. The movement was sharp enough for Fosse choreography and I don’t think their characters were as well defined as they should have been. It wasn’t terrible, but in a night full of very solid dancing this was a weak link. I totally agree with Mia that they danced a little heavy.

4-Caitlen and Jason
Style: Pop-Jazz by Brian Friedman
Song: “Creator” by Santogold

Poor Caitlen and Jason just can’t catch a break and I’m gonna go on record and say that in part that is because I could use a cartoon picture to represent their routine. This week Caitlen was an alien who destroyed Earth except for one last man whom she will procreate with to populate the barren planet. Here’s the thing, they could not have really danced this piece any better. It didn’t fit well with Mary and I don’t think it will sit very well with America. It was too ALIENating and Caitlen and Jason will likely find themselves in the bottom three AGAIN. I predict that Jason and Kayla will inevitably end up together.

5-Jeanine and Philip
Style: Hip Hop by Tabitha and Napoleon
Song: “Love Lockdown” by Kanye West

An adorable couple who is not the most versatile pair on the show. Phillip has an expiration date and he can’t get hip hop every week. Conceptually, I loved this number and thought the chain was brilliant and exciting! However, Philip has not really grown and Jeanine has been stuck in his shadow so I don’t think they have too much longer on the show as a couple. That being said, they will not be in the bottom three this week.

6-Melissa and Ade
Style: Classical Pas de Deux by Thordal Christensen
Song: “Romeo and Juliet” from Prokofiev’s Suite

Melissa and Ade are the dark horse couple. First of all, Melissa is pushing 80 and no one expects such an OLD dancer to make it this far. Second of all, they are an unusual pairing that unassumingly take the stage and do their routines very well. This week was beautiful and slightly boring. Of course, a milestone for SYTYCD because it is the first time classical ballet has been done on the show (since she was on point).

7-Karla and Vitolio
Style: Quickstep by Jean Marc Genereaux
Song: “Puttin’ On The Ritz” by Rufus Wainwright

Before I even saw this number, I expected Karla and Vitolio to fail because it was such a strong night. Delightfully, they thwarted my expectations and delivered probably the most enjoyable Quickstep I have ever seen on the show. Now, do I think they are not going to be in trouble? No. They will most definitely be in the bottom three. For whatever reason, Karla seems done with the competition. In fact, they may even be sent home this week simply because they do not have the fan base to support them. I don’t know.

Final Thoughts:

The bottom three this week is a difficult call, but I think that they will be:

Karla and Vitolio
Randi and Evan
Caitlen and Jason

I believe that Randi and Evan will likely be safe. I suspect that despite having a great routine Karla and Vitolio will be eliminated.

They also had a video about a new initiative the show is starting called the Dizzy Feet Foundation which can be viewed here:

I wholeheartedly support almost everything about the foundation except the involvement of this girl…

Clearly Mrs. Tom Cruise was instructed to have a charity project. Even more unfortunate, Tyce Diorio has choreographed a routine paying homage to Judy Garland’s iconic performance of “Get Happy” from “Summerstock” for Mrs. Cruise to perform on the 100th episode of “So You Think You Can Dance”.

*pauses*

C’mon….

I hear a train coming…whoo whoo…and it is train that is going to run right into the Hot Tomale train leaving nothing but carnage and talentless bobbed hair in it’s wake. Until then…

J Ramp Out!

1-Karla Garcia and Jonathan Platero
Hip Hop by Dave Scott
“By My Side” by Jadakiss featuring Ne-Yo

Definitely not a strong start to the show. They were slightly overpraised last week due to the strength of their song and managed to avoid being in the bottom three. That ain’t happening this week. Clearly Karla is the better dancer here and unfortunately she may go due to her partner. Hip-Hop is knocking ‘em dead this season and not in the good way.

2-Asuka Kondoh and Vitolio Jeune
Jazz by Mandy Moore
“Heartbreaker” by Pat Benetar

This routine was better than the first, however it did not break my heart. Here’s the deal, Asuka doesn’t seem to be able to sync up music with movement. They were off almost the entire time as certain moves should have been accented by the beats in the music. Asuka got off and and she was never able to find her way back. Vitolio tried his best to try and move with her so that at least they would be off together, but he couldn’t. Basically, their intro package saved them this week from elimination.

3-Melissa Sandvig and Ade Obayomi
Rumba by Tony Meredith
“Emotions” by Destiny’s Child

Surprisingly, this ended up being one of the best numbers of the night although if I would be okay if I never heard this song again. I am still not contacted to these two as a couple. Technically they are good dancers and they seem to have some lukewarm chemistry but they are not electric yet. Also, I am surprised no one commented on Ade’s ba-dunka dunk as last season, everyone was obsessed every time Joshua wore tight pants. I can’t wait for this pair to get Hip-Hop.

4-Janette Manrara and Brandon Bryant
Hip-Hop by Dave Scott
“What A World” by Common featuring Chester French

Brandon impressed with his versatility in this number. I did not expect him to be such a good Hip-Hopper. Unfortunately, I found the rehearsal footage slightly more engaging then the number. Their costumes were terrible and whoever did Janette’s hair was clearly drunk. I could never really get behind the concept of the number and poor Janette. Not only did she look like a hot mess, but there was pretty much nothing for her to do during this number. It is pretty obvious that Dave Scott focused almost completely on Brandon.

5-Kayla Radomski and Kupono Aweau
Viennese Waltz by Jean-Marc Generaux
“Sweet Dreams for You” by Jewel

While I was against this pairing initially, I think it worked out pretty well. Kupono seems high-maintenance and I grow weary of the judges’ love affair with Kayla. However, the routine was simply elegant and I loved the concept of the routine which showed through and made sense. Visually, this number really worked and may possibly have been the best number of the night which isn’t saying much in a night of mediocrity.

6-Randi Evans and Evan Kasprzak
Contemporary by Mia Michaels
“Koop Island Blues” by Koop featuring Ane Brun

More than any other number, this routine had so much potential but didn’t really live up to it. Hysterical how Mia Michaels final words during the intro package were “I know what it is supposed to look like, and right now it looks cliche”. I would not have lunch with her. That isn’t to say that I didn’t love the number and for me it is the most memorable (as I walked around the house afterwards trying to mimic the movements). In rewatching the number, Brandi was very strong but I don’t think Evan ever really let himself go. Evan is clearly a really nice guy and a bit of a nerd and I think that he can only play characters that are very innocent nice guys. Watching him in this number as a guy obsessed with Brandi’s butt was not believable. I would love to see this number again with someone else dancing it…although I can’t really think of what other guy could pull it off.

7-Caitlin Kinney and Jason Glover
Paso Doble by Jean-Marc Generaux
“O Fortuna” by Mozaretum Orchestra Salzburg & Kurt Prestel

Jason is quickly becoming my favorite guy dancer. He is versatile. He has got a great personality and he has a good range of believable characters. Caitlin needs to go. She struggles…a lot and should have gone before Ashley:-( This number was almost entirely made by the music which was perfect. The judges were right in calling Jason out for not connecting with his partner, but he definitely attempted to capture the spirit of the Paso Doble.

8-Jeanine Mason and Phillip Chbeeb
Broadway by Tyce DiOrio
“Moses Supposes” by Singin’ In The Rain

Phillip is no Joshua. Let’s get that out on the table right now. I am happy that Nigel offered the cautious advice that you better start to live up to your hype or the judges are going to be upset with you. This number was surprising in that I didn’t hate it, but it was probably my love for “Singin’ In the Rain” that carried me. Phillip is also no Gene Kelly either. The couch jump was neat! The ripped pants was not. Again, could have been a good number but it just fell short.

Final Thoughts:

I just don’t see how Karla and Jonathan are going to survive this week. I have no idea which two couples will join them in the bottom three. Probably Asuka and Vitollio. Maybe Philip and Jeanine.

Tonight and last week have just been aiight for me. (Sorry for not posting last week, it was a crazy week and I just couldn’t find the time). Tonight especially was about missed opportunities. So many of the numbers should have been better than they were.

J Ramp Out!

1-Jeanine Mason and Philip Chbeeb
Hip-Hop by Tabitha and Napoleon
“Mad” by Ne-Yo

I did not start out a Philip fan, but he is growing on me. It definitely helped to see him in a choreographed number because his popping&locking had not really made an impression on my until tonight. Jeanine did well to keep up with him and the whole number was rather adorable. However, I couldn’t help but view it a little bit like they were a lesser version of Joshua and Katee. Maybe that’s just because I didn’t like the song that much. A strong start to the season in any case.

2-Asuka Kondoh and Vitolia Jeune
Broadway by Tyce Diorio
“Hot Honey Rag” from Chicago

Before I start let me say that I hate Tyce Di’Orio. I think he is obnoxious and I want to rip off the thin line of facial hair along his chin. In particular, when Tyce choreographs a Broadway routine, I am often left disappointed at the routine and a little sad at the precious moments of my life that have been wasted. This routine was really no different. It was not terrible, but in the context of the show tonight…it was one of the worst. The choreography didn’t punch or build with the music. Their chemistry was non-existent. They appear to be good dancers as far as I can tell, but they are in trouble tonight for sure.

3-Karla Garcia and Jonathan Platero
Cha Cha by Tony Meredith
“Poker Face” by Lady GaGa

The judges freaked out about this way more than I expected them too. Technically it was fine. The lighting was cool and the music was an interesting choice and might have worked if the dancers pulled it off with their personality. Unfortunately, I was distracted the entire time by the twelve year old boy on stage in a sheer top that showed his nips! Seriously, I will never be able to take him seriously if he keeps smiling all the time. He is potentially the Thayne of this season. I believe this couple will be in trouble as well!

4-Randi Evans and Evan Kasprzak
Jazz by Tyce Diorio
“I Only Have Eyes For You” by Jamie Cullum

Okay, so Randi and Evan are probably my favorite couple at this point for making me enjoy a Tyce routine. Beyond that though, these are two incredibly talented dancers. Evan blew my expectations out of the water by the stuff he could do. Randi comes from this background so I wasn’t as surprised by her performance. However, it was a truly moving performance that was just beautifully done. I heart them!

5-Paris Torres and Tony Bellissimo
Hip Hop by Tabitha and Napolean
“Let The Beat Rock” by The Black Eyed Peas

I do not heart them so much. Actually, as people they are fine but as dancers they are coming up a little short. I don’t think it will take America much time at all to discover that Tony is not in fact a strong dancer. In fact, I believe he is likely the worst dancer in the Top 20 based on tonight’s show. I actually enjoyed Paris quite a bit and she rocked those black leather hot pants! Yes she did! She also wiped the floor with Tony on his own “style” since he is supposed to be a popper. This routine could have been better than it was and this couple is also in trouble this week.

6-Caitlin Kinney and Jason Glover
Bollywood by Nakul Dev Mahajan
“Jai Ho” from Slumdog Millionaire

Love him. Not sold on her yet. She rubbed me the wrong way in Hollywood week and I haven’t really recovered. I also don’t think she is that talented which I think was evident in that she was a bit sloppy in this number. Jason was exceptional in this number as his precision and character were right on point! However, I am so glad to see that Bollywood seems to work as a category! Can’t wait for more!

7-Janette Manrara and Brandon Bryant
Foxtrot by Louie Van Amstel
“Come Fly With Me” by Michael Buble

I think Louie Van Amstel was brought on board due to the fact that Alex Di Silva is undergoing sexual assault charges. Fortunately for us, Louie Van Amstel totally rocks! This was quite possibly the first Foxtrot I have enjoyed on the show. It was lovely! Brandon’s head does not match his body at all. His body is pure muscle while his head looks like a kewpie doll. I would advice that he shave off that stupid bit of a mustache he is attempting to grow and that may help. I did appreciate how they both injected personality into the performance though!

8-Ashley Valerio and Kupono Aweau
Jazz by Wade Robson
“Felt Mountain” by Goldfrapp

I loved this number to be sure! However, the concept overpowered the choreography. I don’t really feel like I know if Ashly and Kupono are great dancers because the dance was not the highlight of this piece. Wade Robson exists in his own little creative world and it is strange to consider that he has evolved into this genius after choreographing for N*Sync and Britney Spears. BTW, he is also the reason that Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears broke up and don’t think I have forgotten that Mister I’m Married To An Asian Woman Now. A great piece that did little to highlight the performers however they will make it to next week so I’m not worried.

9-Melissa Sandvig and Ade Obayomi
Contemporary by Mandy Moore
“Right Here Waiting” by Richard Marx

I did not connect emotionally to this number as much as the judges, but I thought it was superb technically. I know Melissa is 29 but her hair tonight made her like 47 if she is a day. In general this number felt a bit dated to me probably because of the hair and the 80s music. I will be interested to see what happens when they get some different styles. Hip Hop for example or Salsa.

10-Kayla Radomski and Max Kapitannikov
Samba by Louis Van Amstel
“Jum Bah Day” by House of Gypsies

Loved this number! I actually kind of love this couple too! I don’t know, we’ll see what happens next week! She did a great job for having never done ballroom before. It was a great number to end the show! The judges lost their mind which I thought may have been a bit much, but overall this Top 20 appears to be extremely talented.

Bottom Couples:
Asuka and Vitolia
Karla and Jonathan
Paris and Tony

Great start to hopefully a great season!

J Ramp Out!

Best line delivered after winning American Idol ever.

Okay, we have a lot to cover here so let’s get to it. The beginning montage makes Tuesday night’s show look way more exciting than it was. Also, I don’t like that they are were in the Kodak Theater for the entire season. It makes the finale seem less special somehow. Speaking of things that make the finale less special…

The judges are each mocked via video montage. Randy gets called out on his constant “for me for you” stammering while the editors are forced with the challenge of trying to find only one or two stupid phrases uttered by new judge Kara Dioguardi. They select “sweetie and honey” which in all honesty I never remembered her saying all that much. Appropriately, they showed some love to Paula Abdul this season who used a lot of big words correctly! Finally, there was an entire montage that was basically a PSA that Simon Cowell needs to invest in a hearing aid.

624 million votes later, Kris Allen and Glambert finds themselves in the center of this largely unexpected finale as Kris Allen hadn’t really been acknowledged by the judges as being a contender for the Idol crown for most of the competition. Two Idol correspondents are stationed at their respective hometown. Mikalah Gordon collects another paycheck to get more work done, and Carly Smithson needs to realize that she deserves more than being relegated to an Idol Correspondent!

1-Top 13
“So What” by Pink

The opening number was a hot mess! The first number isn’t even over yet and I have a bit of a problem with the Idols calling America a “tool”. While I fully support the song when Pink is singing it to get back at Corey Hart for breaking her heart, I feel it is counter intuitive for all the Idols to be calling the audience that voted for them a tool. As if that weren’t abrasive enough, we were subjected to rather lackluster choreography that involved jumping. Very angry, poppy kangaroos jumping to the center of the stage. In a complete switching of gears our second performance comes to us from last year’s Idol…

2-David Cook
“Permanent”

David Cook’s brother just died very recently of cancer. He has actually been working with a foundation to help find a cure. This song sounds like it is very much about his brother and was a very appropriate and touching tribute. Cookie seems like a very genuinely nice guy a gave a very classy performance unlike…

Nick Mitchell who wins a Golden Idol award for Best Male. As he takes the stage in a hoodie to accept his award feigning shock and surprise. Then Boom Boom Boom Karate Kick, he takes off all of his hoodies and pants to reveal his Norman Gentile outfit and just totally nails his final performance as Norman Gentile. As if that weren’t enough silliness, the camera goes back to Ryan Seacrest sporting the trademark sweatband and glasses. It’s the best he has ever looked. After this, one of the most inappropriately pimped idols of all time takes the stage.

3-Lil Rounds and Queen Latifah
“Cue The Rain”

How about cue the stylist because lord knows I love me some Queen Latifah (What up Khadiijah!) and I think she is a beautiful woman, but that black catsuit was an error in judgment. However, this vocal pairing is appropriate as they are both incredibly adequate vocalists who I always want to be a bit better than they are. That being said, this is probably Lil Rounds best performance since the Mary J. Blige number she did during Top 36 Rounds.

4-Anoop, Alexis, and Jason Mraz backed by Idol Chorus
“I’m Yours”

I love this song and the performance goes very well except that Jason Mraz looks like a grown man. When did that happen?

We then watch The Journey of Kris Allen which just reinforces the warm fuzzies I’ve been feeling all season! Kris Allen may be one of the most humble Idols in the history of the show and he has really grown over the course of the show! The warm fuzzies subside though as we get to the first of several incredibly awkward male duets.

5-Kris Allen and Keith Urban
“Kiss A Girl”

Let me start by saying that this is not a bad song. However, it was a little disconcerting how deeply Kris Allen and Keith Urban kept gazing into each others eyes. I also can’t believe Nikki Kidman let Keith out of the house dressed like that. Here is a couple of tips Keith Urban.

1. If you can button your shirt over your man cleavage, pick another shirt.
2. You are not Kris Allen’s age, it is not okay for you to dress like a Jonas Brother.

6-The Ladies of Idol plus Fergie
“Glamorous” “It’s Personal”

Just when you think someone couldn’t look older than Allison Iraheta or sing with more awkward phrasing than Megan Joy Corkrey, Fergie comes out in all her shemale glory and sing songs from a couple years ago. She then runs off stage to take her short skirt off to reveal even shorter booty shorts make a costume change.

7-Black Eyed Peas
“Boom Boom Pow”

Thankfully full body leotards are back for this finale! Thanks for that trend Miley Cyrus! Something unexplained happened during the performance where the camera went to the floor and all was silent. In a few short seconds, everything has back to normal. At least as normal as things can be when Fergie is wearing sparkly Wolverine claws. Then comes one of the most surprisingly entertaining moments of the show.

So the infamous Bikini Girl wins the Golden Idol for Best Attitude. Simon and Randy drool over her as she takes the stage showing off what she bought with her 15 minutes of fame. Ryan convinces her to take the stage to sing “Vision of Love” by Mariah Carey. It is terrible, as it should be. All of sudden a booming voice comes from behind and Kara DioGuardi takes the stage and completely blows Bikini Girl out of the water with pretty decent vocals. On top of that, at the end of the number she opens her dress to reveal that Kara looks pretty good in a bikini herself. Afterwards, Ryan reveals that they bet Kara she wouldn’t do it, but she did so that a lot of money is getting donated to her favorite charity.

9-Allison Iraheta and Cyndi Lauper
“Time After Time”

OH MY GOD!!! AWESOME!!! I love Cyndi Lauper!!! Allison Iraheta is doing really well!! Hands down my favorite celebrity duet of the night!!!

Ryan then interviews both sets of parents. The Allens are adorable and a little bit country!!! The Lamberts are suitably chic and a little bit rock’n'roll! Unfortunately, the good performances come to end as GOKEZILLA takes the stage!!!

10-Gokezilla and Lionel Richie
“Hello” “Just Go” “All Night Long”

Second awkward male duet of the evening! Mostly because of the recent song “Just Go” in which basically both men offer to do really considerate things for each other…”I’m gonna do the dishes girl!”, “Let me wash the laundry”, “Baby, baby, who wants a foot rub?”. There seems to be a bit of back and forth there and Gokey seems genuinely blown away that he is singing with Lionel Ritchie. As soon as “Just Go” ends though, Gokey goes in to close to Ritchie and puts a hand on his shoulder only to be pushed away as Lionel begins to sing “All Night Long”. Make no mistake Gokey, this night is about no one but Lionel Ritchie!

The Journey of Adam Lambert Montage
The only growth that Glambert has gone through is that his complexion has gotten much better throughout the season. Not that I haven’t found him ridiculously entertaining this season, but he came into the season at the same level he is leaving it. In that way I feel Kris Allen is better suited to win American Idol.

11-Glambert and KISS
“Beth” “Rock City” “I Wanna Rock and Roll all Night”

Wow! Flames, make-up, and giant rhinestone cod pieces. But enough about Glambert! KISS takes the stage with Lambert in possibly one of the most perfect unions on the American Idol stage!

12-Carlos Santana and Matt Giraud/The Top 13
“Black Magic Woman” and “Smooth”

Several awkward things happen in this number. Here is the list:
Glambert messes up the lyrics by singing “7 inches in the mid-day sun”
Jorge enjoys being on stage again and shows this by gyrating and sexy dancing like a fool.
Kris Allen tries to do the choreography with Jasmine Murray who either doesn’t know or doesn’t care.
Heather Locklear gets a camera shoved in her face while she is dancing
Anoop and Lil Rounds do over the top air guitar
Janice Dickinson gives a thumbs up to the camera implying she knows where she is.

The Final Ford commercial airs and the song actually sounds pretty good. Adam and Kris harmonize pretty well. Then David Cook gives them each a Ford Fusion.

13-”Pretty Flowers”
Steve Martin plays the banjo while Michael Sarver and Megan Joy Corkrey desecrate a rather charming little ditty written by Steve Martin. The moment is redeemed by Steve Martin admitting that he hopes that he wins American Idol!

14-The Men of Idol
“If You Want My Body”

Perhaps, the most awkward male performance of the night occurs when the men of Idol have to sing this song while acting like Chippendale dancers. There is really nothing more I can say about this.

15-Rod Stewart
“Maggie May”

Rod Stewart gets out of the home to wake up Maggie May one more time. Despite his onstage antics he does not break a hip, so ultimately I guess that makes the performance a good one for him. Personally, I have never really understood the appeal of Rod Stewart, but good for him.

16-El Diablo
“Saving All My Love”

El Diablo wins the final Golden Idol as she takes the stage in the most convincing of the Golden Idol skits because America is really unsure if she was supposed to take the stage and sing “Saving All My Love” for the fourth time. Well played Tatiana! You certainly fulled Roooooben Studdard!

17-Kris Allen and Adam Lambert with the surviving members of Queen
“We Are The Champions”

So Kris and Glambert become the champions in Heaven as Kris is just happy to finally do a duet where they play off each other! Surprisingly, they both totally make the song work! Soon the chorus throws their hands-up and the sway bots go into full effect right before our Idol is announced!

Simon has genuinely kind words for both the contestants before a very VERY British man comes out to give the results to Ryan Seacrest. His name Mr. Edward Bottingtom.

After nearly 100 million votes the winner of American Idol is Kris Allen!!! No one of course is more surprised than Kris Allen himself. His first words are “Are you serious!? Are you freakin’ serioius!?” He humbly claims that Glambert deserves this. As Ryan announces that Kris will be singing “No Boundaries” again, Kris and Glambert share a hearty laugh because they know how ridiculous the song is. Kris sounds great despite the lyrics! His family is huddled together in excitement and love for their boy!

Truthfully, this has gone exactly like I wanted it to go. Kris has truly gone on Idol journey since the start of the show whereas Glambert came into the show already at superstar level. It will be better for Glambert to not be confined by the restrictions of being an American Idol. This will be seen as a huge upset by some as Glambert was heralded as the winner of American Idol almost since the beginning of the competition. The answer to how he got usurped is likely quite simple. All the votes that went to Gokey more than likely went to Kris Allen giving him that bump he needed to overcome the million vote difference between the final two! My favorite shot of the night was when Kris’ wife jumps up on stage and the two embrace while Kris Allen finally shows the overwhelming emotion of winning American Idol!

Keep On Weathering Those Hurricanes!

J Ramp Out!

I will post about the finale by sometime on Friday but I will say YAY Kris ALLEN:-)

So the finale starts with footage of Glambert and Kris Allen saying things like “I am the next American Idol” and “In Your Face Other People” from their auditions. (No wonder auditions take so long!) This is spliced together with footage of the judges’ comments during the season. What becomes immediately apparent is how unprepared everyone on staff was for Kris Allen to make it to the finales.

Examples of comments on Glambert:
“OMG GLAMBERT YOU ARE AWESOME!!!”
“HOW DO YOU HIT THOSE NOTES!!!”
“I WAS BLIND BUT NOW I SEE BECAUSE OF THE POWER OF YOUR VOICE”
“SEE YOU IN THE FINALE! (ad nauseum)!!!

Examples of comments on Kris Allen:
“First of all, you look beautiful tonight”
“That was pretty decent…yup.”
“Oh, are you still here?”
“Quit hitting my Simon…no you shut up! No you shut up, stupid face! No you’re the stupid head”!

The overall impression I got during this mediocre and disappointing finale is that no one on the production staff was prepared for a Glambert/Allen finale and nor did they care to be.

This is….American Idol!

Glambert:

Round One: Mad World (Glambert’s Favorite Performance of the Season)
Round Two: A Change Is Gonna Come (Simon Fuller’s Choice)
Round Three: No Boundaries (Idol Coronation Song co-written by half of Kandy)

Adam begins the show atop an illuminated stair case in silhouette entrenched in darkness and fog and entrenched specifically because he is actually wearing a trench coat. You can always tell when Glambert is singing a ballad because he is hardly visible and smogged up. Unquestionably the right choice of song. Unfortunately, it went downhill from there. Simone Fuller (creator of Idol) selected the soul gem “A Change Is Gonna Come” for Glambert to sing which makes me wonder if Simon Fuller has watched a single episode this season. I appreciate the song but it does not suit Glambert at all and though he attempts to glam it up. I am left with a decidedly mediocre and boring performance. Unfortunately, a change does come…for the worse when Glambert takes the stage to sing quite possibly one of the worst Idol coronation songs since Season Five’s “Inside Your Heaven”. I will address this year’s “No Boundaries” later but Glambert’s final performance does him no favors. That song does a disservice to music in general and the night ends for Glambert with only one solid and unique performance.

The judges critiques range from using letters of the alphabet (Kandy: A is for Adam and Artistry) to air lassos (Paula: You are going to be iconic! Yes you are!) to laughing at the ridiculous lyrics for “No Boundaries” (Thank you Simon!). Surprisingly the judges talked very little about these specific performances and just very emphatically stated their support of Adam Lambert.

Kris Allen

Round One: “Ain’t No Sunshine” (Kris’ Favorite Performance of the Season)
Round Two: “What’s Going On” (Simon Fuller’s Choice)
Round Three: “No Boundaries” (Idol Coronation Song)

I love Kris Allen’s first song mostly because I think it is one of the best songs ever written. I agree with Kris selecting it because it is the best performance he had on the piano. I expect he will play the guitar later in the show so playing the piano will demonstrate versatility. This particular performance was slightly more emo than his original performance of the song. Simon Fuller’s choice was at least more suitable for Kris Allen and his Jug Band. Kris gave a very unassuming performance that clearly had some thought during his acapella delivery of the “war is not the answer” line. I would have liked him to structure the end differently but I felt this was a much more comfortable performance than the other Simon Fuller selection of the night. Finally, Kris tackles the Idol Coronation song and the best I can say is that it didn’t make me want to throw up as much as when Glambert sang it. Kris’ voice is warmer and he so much heart that the song was slightly more palatable. Overall, I think Kris Allen owned the night.

The judges comments ranged from the distracted (Kandy: I hope the Lakers win tonight!) to the inspirational (Kandy: Make them think! Make them feel! Make them change!) to the made up words (Paula: You Allenize everything you sing!) to the honest (Simon: I was surprised when they called your name last week, but America got it right!).

The Idol Coronation Song:

I managed to get access to the original lyrics for “No Boundaries” co-written by Kara Dioguardi. I think you’ll find them interesting. Also, I’ve added illustrations that I think really capture the incredible spirit of this song which ultimately is a testament to music, mankind, and artistry!

Seconds, Minutes, Half Hours, Hours, Days, Weeks, so many months
You know what you want but how long can you wait
Every moment last forever if you feel you’ve lost your way
What if my your chances are already gone
Started believing that I could be wrong for being a judge on this show
But you give me one good reason and I’ll turn right back around
to fight and never walk away
P.S. I can totally sing better than Kelly Clarkson and Tracy Chapman combined

Coz hear I am — still holding on!

Every step you make climb another mountain
Every breath you take its harder to believe
I’ll be watching you

You’ll make it through all your arthritis aches and pains
Weather the flash floods and hurricanes
To get to that one thing
One love
One life

When you think the road is going nowhere
Just when you’ve almost gave up on your dreams
Then take it by the hand even though dreams don’t have hands and show you that you can

You can go higher
You can go deeper
If we love each other, it’s okay Matt G.
There are no boundaries
Above and beneath you
To the front or beside you
Or on either side of you if you are facing forward
B-reak every rule coz there’s nothing between you
and your dreams

Every step you climb another mountain
Every tip toe you ford another stream
Every thought you follow every rainbow
Till you find your dream
Every breathe its harder to believe


Random Idol Thoughts:

Clearly they were stretching on what to label this finale conflict. They had it easy with The Two Davids last season but come on guys: Guy next door vs. guy liner? Conway vs California. Acoustic rocker vs. glam rocker.

The personal information learned about each contestant was really not fun at all. Glambert was a screaming colic baby and Kris Allen’s family had to pay Kris a quarter to make him sing for his family.

Katie Holmes and Suri were let out of the compound this evening.

Ryan fondles Kris Allen as much as possible tonight because tomorrow, it will all be over.

Why did the finale end with Carrie Underwood singing the elimination song over a montage of extra footage from the season? Why is she trying to get all up in our heaven?!

Final Thoughts:

The Idols should be able to pick all their own songs for the finale because honestly, this show was ruined by Simon Fuller and Kara Dioguardi. At the end of the night, I feel Kris Allen pulled off a better show in that he demonstrated most of what makes Kris Allen great. Glambert however was not able to really glam anything up to the levels of ridiculous entertainment that he had been over the course of the season.

If America votes based on last night, Kris Allen will be our next American Idol.
If America votes based on the season, Glambert will be our next American Idol.

Hopefully the finale is more entertaining than tonight!

J Ramp Out!

YAY KRIS ALLEN!!!!!

The first person sent to safety last night that will be performing in the finale was Kris ALLEN!!!! YAY!!!! I totally think that “Heartless” made all the difference!!!

So we left with the duo of Glambert and Gokey and America decided to put the GO in Gokey leaving us with Kris Allen/Glambert Final Two!!!

This particular results night is when we see the Idol’s Going Home packages. No surprises there. Gokezilla came across like a punk, laughing at a girl who ran to keep up with his limo. There was one tender moment when he started to tear up as he was driving in a parade with his BFF Jamal by his side. Kris Allen came across as a slightly cooler Carrie Underwood. There was something incredibly special about him singing for thousands of people with just his guitar. His dad was a weepy mess who kept giving his son hugs and letting him know how proud he was of Kris! Glambert had no family has part of his Going Home Package but was entertaining if not a little distant or at least a little uncomfortable being himself. I definitely think there is a difference between Glambert’s stage persona and Adam Lambert the person. He also had a female streaker jump on stage which was immediately followed by him laughing in the limo after the concert. Hysterical!

Jordin Sparks came back looking moodier than ever singing a terrible TERRIBLE song that apparently will be her first single.

Katy Perry also performed and let’s just say that it is a good thing she is cute, because she ain’t got much else going for her as a live performer.

Can’t wait for next week!!!!

J Ramp Out!!!

The close-ups of each of the Final Three were indicative of each contestant.

Gokey gives a smile befitting a smarmy bastard.
Kris looks serious and artistic (like a winner:-).
Adam purses his lips like the Banshee Queen he is.

Happy 300th episode American Idol!

Two songs tonight for each Idol. One is there choice, the other is the judges. We’ll start with the judges’ picks.

This is American Idol!

1-Gokezilla
“Dance Little Sister”

Basically Paula picks this song because she believes that Gokey can be a one-hit wonder!

Since Gokezilla is in full effect, I can hardly watch Danny perform without wanting to physically hit Kara in the face. Admittedly, it does not take much to make me want to hit Kara in the face.

Kandy: you sounded like a doped up horse. You were in your money spot but I will forget tomorrow.
Paula talks to Danny like he is a first grader. Good job buddy! Gold star! You get a juice box!
Simon thought the dancing was desperate and the saxophone solo was ridiculous.

As if I didn’t dislike Gokey enough he states that it doesn’t even matter what the judges say because he just want to get out here and sing a song. Everyone joins in on the fun of talking about everything else but the fact that Gokey did not sound good. Paula is screaming “no” while Simon is attacking here off screen.

For this performance you get 3 elephants because like your mediocre wedding singer performance, no one seems to be acknowledging them.

2-Kris Allen
“Apologize”

lol! Kandy actually picks the song for Kris which means that American Idol doesn’t want him to win! Kandy wants him to have a “moment” but really they want him to fail.

When I watch Kris perform, I watch an artist. It wasn’t my favorite performance of his, but I enjoyed it.

Kandy: that was really nice and competent. Take more chances.
Paula calls him out on a bum note but reminds him that she is so proud of him.
Simon calls Kandy out for not living up their responsibilities of providing direction.

For this performance you get 5 “Mike Tyson’s: Punch Outs” because I want to punch Kandy in the face for the way they are acting tonight think you killed it tonight.

3-Glambert
“One”

Simon picked and arranged Adam’s choice. U2 said it would be their pleasure to have Adam sing “One”.

Not my favorite Glambert performance. Since Simon ran his yap, I am going to blame him for the arrangement.

Kandy doesn’t like the arrangement so they are just getting back at Simon.
Paula wants to slap Simon hard in the face and makes several puns using the word “One”.
Simon calls it a brilliant song choice and said that if Glambert is not in the finals it will be the biggest upset ever. Paula goes into full Three Stooges mode and repeatedly screams the word “Outrageous!”

For this performance I would give you Three Stooges, but you’ve already got Four! Aww…what up!?

Idol Gives Back Update: Carrie Underwood goes to save hundreds of children in Africa.

Round Two: Ding Ding!

4-Gokezilla
“You Are So Beautiful”

Ryan imitates young girls as Gokey takes the stage. (Good one, Seacrest!)

In one last bid for America’s votes, Gokey plays the dead wife card…again.

Kandy you can really really really really sing. That was stunning. stunning.
Paula we are left breathless by the magic you infused.
Simon calls it a vocal masterclass which makes me really mad because Elliott got the same comment from Simon although it was only “in parts” a vocal masterclass when Elliott sang a “Song for You”.

You get four Elliott Yamins because you will never ever be as awesome as Elliott!

P.S. Elliott’s new album “Fight For Love” dropped this week. Be sure to get your copy:-)

Gokezilla shares his mantra of Fresh Mind. Fresh Heart. No OHpinions.

2-Kris Allen
“Heartless”

WHAT!? I am immediately intrigued.

AMAZING!!! I had a smile on my face the entire performance!!! AMAZING!!!

Kandy: Better than the original! Bold, brave, and fearless!!! Kudos!!!
Paula: This is what keeps you relevant to be able to do something completely different.
Simon admits to writing Kris out of the competition until that performance. Everything has changed!

For this performance you get 6 AWESOME PUPPIES!!! 6 Seriously Awesome Puppies!!!

3-Glambert
“Crying”

lol! He is doing Aerosmith…the way it should be done.

Well, I didn’t get to hear that entire performance due to an Emergency Alert Message. However, I made sure to listen to entire performance online. Sounded fine, but not one of my favorites. However, this was not my favorite Glambert night. I’m didn’t think either song choice was the best option for him and neither performance lived up to past performance.

Kandy: You are one of the best we’ve ever had on this stage. You are a rock star. Who hits those notes?
Paula: You have earned frequent flier miles because you are going to be flying forever.
Simon reminds people to vote for Adam Lambert because he deserves to be there.

For singing an Aerosmith song after last week’s fiasco you get 4 “IN YOUR FACE GOKEYS!”

Glambert remains humble and acknowledges what an awesome job Kris and Gokey did.

Final Thoughts:

Kris Allen was my favorite tonight which means he is probably going home this week. “Heartless” was the best performance of the night and certainly the most creative. At least it looks like he had fun tonight. I have no idea how this will pan out this week but all I can say is that I am hopin’ for a Allen/Glambert Finale!

J Ramp Out!

My favorite part is when Paula halts her chair dancing and freezes with a look of terror on her face. She then sits down. That’s how bad this note was, Paula stopped dancing and sat down.